The Program
by Prince-Vermin
Summary: AU Neku/Joshua, Joshua/Neku."The Program," which keeps psychic children locked in a facility to be observed/experimented on. Joshua is alive and has gone insane. Neku is a double-agent for the Higher-Ups, posing as just another Subject.
1. The beginning is the ending

It was the same, day after day. Unlike the other Subjects, his schedule never changed. He was observed constantly, his room less of a room than a cell, surrounded by four walls and even a ceiling that were one-sided windows, with at least a half-dozen staff members watching him like hawks at all times. He was rarely allowed into common areas, taken into observation rooms or the cafeteria only before being led back into his chamber. He ate alone, studied alone, and had little to no contact with any of the Subjects.

Really, it was fine. He was a little afraid of them, after what had happened the last few times he'd made contact with a group.

Joshua, as he was referenced by the engraving on his collar that simply read "Project Joshua," was the most powerful of those in the Program. He was their pride, their great mystery, their secret project that was not secret. The other children here were in projects with at least a dozen others, each project judged by their ranking, their ESP levels. Some had full control of their powers and cherished them. Others had full control and feared them. Most of the children, however, couldn't fully keep their powers under control, and were glad to be here, under the care of the Staff.

The shock collars that tapped into their psyches were for their own benefit. Should their powers get out of hand, the collar cut it off at the source, with only minor pain as a negative side effect. At least, that was what most of the children thought. The others, the ones that didn't want to be here, knew better than that. They knew the Staff used the collars to keep them from escaping, for the same reason the walls were insulated with lead and iron, and for the same reason that the most powerful and least cooperative were not allowed to go outside.

Joshua hadn't been outside since he was seven years old. He'd wiped his memories intentionally to keep information safe, and no longer remembered why he was here, who had taken him, how his powers had manifested...what he was. All he knew was his name and his fear and his anger, and all of them were quieted by the heavy guard and the shock collars. His loneliness knew no bounds.

The boy, now eighteen, had full control over his powers, with very few slip-ups. Those slip-ups were all caused by the staff that tried to pull his power from him, an agonizingly painful progress that kept him conscious and in utter anguish for hours as the procedure continued. He was forced to endure it all, and after they were done, he'd learn they'd made no progress, and that he'd be forced to do it again, and again, until they'd learned the secrets of his powers and taken control completely. Joshua didn't know the reasoning for this. He guessed that his powers, if harvested and given to others, would be useful to humanity as a whole. Perhaps the staff would use him to breed a generation of super-soldiers, since the world outside was such a terrible place.

Joshua wasn't sure if this was even true. He hadn't drifted far from his chamber very often, and it was rare that he was allowed to explore the facility on his own...especially lately.

One of the procedures they'd performed on him had ended in disaster. He remembered little of it, having blocked it out as a defensive mechanism. Just the memory invoked such rage and pain and fear that his collar reacted and shocked him horribly, but sometimes he still saw it in his nightmares. He remembered the staff trying to pull out his powers. He remembered losing control because of their tampering.

He remembered killing several of them, two women and four men and a child, all of them gone in an instant with hardly more than the first echo of a terrified scream. Gone. Erased. Never to be seen again.

And there had been consequences, a painful punishment that lasted for nearly a full day even though, through the blinding pain and his own inability to scream or cry anymore, Joshua swore it was their own fault their workers and their families had been lost. He'd been confined to his chamber and restricted from contact with anyone else for a full week, fed enough to keep him satisfied and simply watched for any further sign of a breakthrough. He'd remained very still and silent, stubborn. Cold. Over time, he learned that their experimenting would be torture and there'd be no escape, but he rarely screamed or cried anymore. He didn't want to give them the pleasure. And they didn't learn.

There had been other instances where he'd killed more of the staff, where his powers had broken from his control and erased - murdered - the people around him. The news of this was never leaked to the other Subjects if the staff could help it. Unfortunately, that was the trouble with a facility full of psychic children.

Sometimes, word got out.

The little contact he had with the other children, those lucky souls who thought they were here for their own safety, was most unsatisfactory. On a few terrible occasions, he'd been cornered by a few groups of teenagers that had heard of his mishaps, and they'd tried to draw the power from him with more primitive tactics. He couldn't fight them, not with his collar restricting him to an extent that it didn't restrict the others. They beat him to summon his power, hoping he'd erase more of the staff or destroy some of the boundaries of this accursed place, but to no avail. If his powers ever did flex, it was the children that suffered, his assailants suddenly ceasing to beat him as they ceased to exist.

Joshua was feared and hated and seen as nothing more than a vessel of great power. That was his image, to everyone from the newest and oldest Subjects to the most experienced staff. His loneliness consumed him, and he began to fear and hate everything. He wouldn't let people touch him, and he hated when people looked at him. It continued, as it had these past eleven years, as it had the past few months, as it would today, as he sat in a hallway on a bench and stared at his feet listlessly with dark violet eyes completely shadowed by the curtaining silver hair. Things would stay the same, and the world would keep turning.

As always.

There were always more.

That was something that The Program had established on its own. No matter how many children and adults were spent and destroyed by the experiments and attempts at harvesting power, there were always more. It had become a grand profession for some, to hunt down the gifted on the outside and turn them in like livestock- and for a profit.

A little boy with the ability to move things with his mind had been easy prey. And after the first of his evaluations, he had run from the room and into the hallways sobbing. This place was horrible, and he wanted to go home.

He didn't even noticed as he bumped into a tall boy with messy copper hair on his way through the main atrium, breezing past him before collapsing to his knees at the end of a bench, his face buried in his hands as he sobbed.

Joshua started at the sudden close proximity of the boy beside him. Violet eyes were wide, betraying only the mildest confusion as he stared at the child. Messy blond hair, a fairly small stature... Joshua guessed he was probably around nine or ten, but it was always hard to tell. Especially for him.

Slender fingers stretched out, hesitant, to lightly brush the child's hair, but as soon as the contact was made, Joshua jerked his hand back.

He didn't speak. He wanted to ask if the little boy was okay, ask him what happened, but his voice had been lost long ago, heard only in the form of pained cries and angry snarls. Instead, he slipped from the bench and knelt before the boy, trying to meet his eyes. That was the best way to communicate he knew of.

The child's reaction was harsh. He snapped his head up, almost afraid until he saw the gentle, almost concerned eyes that were on him. They were a strange color- violet almost. No words were spoken, but the boy wrinkled up his nose and let out a sob.

"This place is horrible. I want to go home." He sobbed.

Joshua had even less to say to that. He would have wanted to go home, too, if he'd known he had a home to go back to. He didn't. All he could remember was the faint smell of something pleasantly bitter and warm, and the taste of something creamy and sweet.

He reached out again, wanting to touch the child and bring him some semblance of comfort. His palm and fingers lingered an inch above the little boy's hair, close, but not touching him. He wasn't sure either of them wanting to make the contact any more intimate.

His eyes grieved for the child that was not dead.

It was nice. This boy was nice. Or was he an adult? He seemed almost uncertain. The boy's eyes swept from the sad expression on the older one's face to the thin arm extended towards him. He whined and wiped at his eyes.

"I hate it. I hate it here!"

And just about that time, the boy who had nearly been toppled over came around the corner and stopped. He frowned, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. There was the little snot that had run by. And then there was the boy kneeling on the ground near him. He was probably about Neku's own age, he guessed.

He just watched the blonde and the silver haired one, fighting the distinct sensation that there was something important that he was supposed to be doing; something that the voice in his head had wanted him to do- but like most things since before he'd woken up in this place- he couldn't remember.

The little boy looked up and his eyes suddenly locked on the other boy's collar: Project Joshua. The blonde froze and his crystalline eyes widened in terror.

Confusion swept through Joshua's eyes and mind again, and he withdrew his hand, trying to determine what it was that was suddenly shining in the child's eyes. He could speak no words of comfort and would ask no questions, even though he desired to know, badly.

He had the strangest idea that he often wore the same expression the little boy did, but he wasn't sure. He saw that look mingled with anger in the eyes of the teenagers who sometimes came after him, but in such a young boy, there was no anger.

Joshua tilted his head in a silent question, offering his hand to the child again in hopes that the little boy would let Joshua help him to his feet. He smiled faintly. It was an odd sensation, one he wasn't used to; it was a small, crooked sort of smirk, but a smile nonetheless. He thought the boy might need it from him.

And the little boy saw that he was indeed offering kindness; a gentleness that was far more than the Staff had so far. But this was Joshua. The Joshua that was whispered about. The one that could make you cease to exist with just a blink of his eye. The boy reached out and brushed his fingertips across Joshua's own extended ones before scrambling to his feet and bolting back down the hallway.

"I'm sorry...!" His voice echoed from the white halls as he disappeared into the living area.

Neku just watched this exchange, curious and still wondering at that nagging feeling that just wouldn't go away. He stared at the other boy, the one that had scared the timid little one so badly.

"Huh." He muttered.

Joshua's smile faded, but the boy's touch lingered, an echo of feeling against Joshua's hand that faded far too slowly. There was a pain, very familiar, in Joshua's chest as he examined his hand, as though the miserable little boy had left a visible mark behind after touching him. Joshua knew the agony of loneliness very well, but this time it was a little too real, having been caused by someone who had looked at him with hope, and then fear.

It had to have been fear in his eyes. Fear was what made them run or fight. Fear was what kept Joshua alone through all these years. He just didn't understand why. Joshua looked at the spot where the boy had been, watched the Noise that had sat so still and so quiet, until another sound made him stand up and cast his gaze towards the copper-haired boy that stood watching.

Neku's head ached. The longer he looked at this other boy, the more he struggled to get his thoughts back in order. Why was he here, and what was he doing? The red-head realized then that the other boy was looking at him. He grasped desperately for words.

"Haven't seen you before." He muttered. Why was his hair silver? He was so young... then again, there were even stranger things happening to people's bodies that he'd seen.

And then suddenly that voice in his head. _"YES! That's him. That's it. Talk to him Neku. Find out what he's been up to."_ He rubbed his face suddenly. _"That's who? What do you mean what has he been up to? We're all freakin' prisoners here."_

The mental exchange left the inside of his skull echoing.

There seemed to be only one boy, no Noise around him, no ill intent. He was an attractive boy, tall and thin without lacking muscle, short copper hair and startlingly pretty blue eyes. His aura, however, was what caught Joshua's attention the fastest, shining brilliantly until even Joshua felt himself cast into a gorgeous light. He'd never seen anything like it, from anyone, and just being in this stranger's presence made him feel safe.

But Joshua didn't want to go through this again. He didn't want to let this teenager linger like the little boy had, his friend until he realized that it was the boy from Project Joshua, the boy no one should ever trust or be friends with or spend time with.

Joshua's frail-seeming fingers reached towards his throat and pulled at the collar, his other pale hand brushing silver locks away from the words that betrayed his identity.

He'd heard about him, sure. The child called "Yeshua" and "Joshua". But Neku wasn't like the others. He didn't talk to his fellow Subjects, and didn't try to garner favor from the Staff. He was just trying to lay low and stay out of the way. And Neku wasn't one to pick up on trends or group thinking. So he stared a little longer at the delicate looking boy who couldn't possibly house all of that terrifying power they whispered about.

"...Hey." He said, lifting a hand as though to wave. It wasn't a gesture that he was used to.

"What's your name?" He offered nervously.

No one here had ever asked him that. His name had been recorded, but it didn't matter anymore. He was Project Yeshua to the upper staff, Project Joshua to everyone else, and just "Joshua" to those who feared him enough to bolt at the first sign of him.

Silently, he rose a hand and waved very slowly. It was a tentative, nervous wave. There was no fear of this beautiful soul before him, but he feared the absence of it, and he feared the sensation in his chest that he knew meant he'd get attached if he lingered too long.

He lowered his hand and took a step back, still hesitant. If he left without giving this stranger his name, maybe he could pretend he'd never seen him or his aura. Maybe that sense of security would never have happened, and he wouldn't cry for it during his next experiments and procedures.

He had waved, but not responded. Neku crossed his arms and frowned just a bit, his gaze sheepish and questioning.

"You okay? Can you hear me? I'm... I'm Neku." He offered that at least.

_"Do it. Take him out. It can work. This could end it-" _And Neku mentally shoved against the forceful guiding voice. _"No! He's just a kid. Just a fucking kid. No way this is the thing you keep pushing me towards. What do you want from me?"_

Neku had to fight the feeling that almost made him woozy. He was starting to believe that the voice meant he really was crazy.

Neku. There was something wrong with this kid. That much was certain. Noise was gone the moment it was created, as though there was a protective aura around him along with his own. No Noise already lingering was daring to get near him. He was safe...wasn't he?

Neku. Who was protecting him? There was no way he was keeping clear of Noise on his own.

Joshua stepped back again, raising an eyebrow though his eyes were still scared and pained. He liked this boy. Neku knew he was Project Yeshua, but he didn't care. Why didn't he care?

"Neku...?"

His voice was hoarse from disuse. Over the past years, he'd used it for little more than crying out when the pain was too great to remain silent through. Words got him hurt more than anything; speaking resulted in snark, and if he couldn't use sarcasm, he wouldn't talk at all.

But Neku deserved it...maybe.

"Mm-hm. That's me." He responded slowly. Something from this kid's eyes told him that he wasn't stupid but... Why wasn't he talking? The sound of his name being repeated back to him was a bit surprising. Neku didn't get along with people, and they never stopped to pay attention to him. But this 'Joshua' was. He was staring at him like he was fascinating. Like he was special.

"Huh. Joshua then. Why are you out here, Josh? The other Subjects don't seem to like you too much."

A threat? No. Just a query. It was rare that Joshua was out on his own, but he knew there was surveillance staff watching him. He glanced at the wall the bench was sitting against, suspecting it to be yet another one-sided window. When his gaze turned to Neku again, he bowed his head modestly.

"...I know."

He was determined to speak as little as possible, for many reasons.

"Chill out. I'm not like them." Neku shrugged and crossed the space between them to drop down on the far end of the bench. He stared at the whitewashed wall across from them and sighed.

"They don't like me much either." He said wryly. And Neku wondered why he was talking to this kid, and why he was letting him close. Hell, he should have been afraid for his life.

"You look... Pretty down." The presence in his head pushed against him almost indignantly, and it made him shiver. This was his push back. Why did a terrified kid like this need to die? Neku refused for it to be him.

Joshua nodded, sitting beside Neku reluctantly.

This was bad. If he got close, if the staff saw them getting along and Joshua talking to him, they might be seen as friends. Neku might get hurt. Joshua didn't like the idea.

Neku was the only person in this entire damn place who showed him any kindness at all. He'd also get hurt for it.

Joshua didn't voice this concern. Not yet. He didn't want Neku to leave.

And sitting in silence was okay. Actually, Neku liked it a bit. People were cruel. He knew he hated them, even if he couldn't remember why. But Joshua was all alone and he didn't deserve it; not from what he could see.

"So...Uh..." Neku was at a loss. He wasn't good at conversation. But what else did he have to do?

All the red-head knew was that this kid had been the target of a lot of violence, that it was Joshua's project that had started this whole Program's push. And that he had to be part of the reason as to why he was here. Neku was going to get back his memories, and if he was pushed towards Joshua by his instincts then... Getting to know him would be worth it.

Joshua tugged at his collar, a force of habit by now. He glanced around for a clock, well aware that he would be worked with later...not a procedure, thank the heavens, but something of a consultation. He gripped the edge of the bench with his free hand and swallowed hard.

A consultation, no matter what the results, meant they'd experiment on him soon. The procedures were starting to get more and more frequent. He didn't know what else they would try to do to him, but at this point he was pretty sure his powers were for him and him alone.

"How long?"

"How long...?" He thought about it for a moment. Did he mean how long he'd been in this place or... "About year I think. Or more. I don't remember anything before it. Only my name." He responded slowly.

It was possible that he'd had something done to him that wiped his memories, possible that he'd never been anywhere but here. Sometimes Neku felt like that's what his social conditioning must be from.

"What about you, Josh?" He shortened it to a pet name if only to show that his intentions were friendly.

"...Josh?"

Violet eyes turned to Neku uneasily. A pet name. That was a bad sign...and a good one, at the same time. He found himself more than willing to answer, in detail. Most children didn't like to talk about these kinds of things for fear of bringing up bad memories, but it seemed to Joshua that these two had nothing to lose in that department.

"Since I was seven. I don't remember anything, either. Defense mechanism."

He didn't care what happened to him anymore. All he knew was that he had a damn good reason to stay alive. Something to protect. He didn't know what, but it was a good enough reason to do anything, let alone live. He'd endure his suffering for the sake of what he intended to protect.

Even if Neku was factored in somehow.

"So young..." Neku wondered if he even knew anything of the city outside of these walls. That much, he did remember. It was a bustling place of high speed trains and skyscrapers. What had once been Shibuya now stretched on forever in either direction, spurred on by economical development and the fall of another world super power. It had left Japan as top dog and that had made Shibuya's influence triple. He had hated it. But sometimes... Neku missed it.

His eyes turned onto the graceful looking boy next to him and he frowned.

"Yeah. Josh. Is that okay? I don't have anything else to call you and Joshua... feels too formal." He shrugged. "Like I said. I'm not like the others."

Joshua glanced behind him at the wall again, uncertainty taking hold of him. Did he dare, with them watching him with those tireless eyes? Neku had earned it, but...

Perhaps not yet.

"Josh is okay."

He continued to watch Neku from the corner of his eye. The copper-haired teenager definitely made him feel safe and insecure at the same time, and he felt an old blaze flickering inside. The urge to be human was strong, around him.

"Why?"

"Why?" Neku repeated. There was something about the other boy that was...well. Frustrating. And he could feel that ever present presence watching through his eyes.

_"He... Doesn't remember?" _Neku ignored it.

"Josh because I feel like it. And I'm not like them because... They're... I don't know. Noisy. I can't stand to be around them, and they're too busy being afraid of anything to even imagine something outside of these walls. I'm going to make it out of here. I've got something important to do, even if I don't remember what it is." Neku hadn't really spoken that much at once to anyone in a long time. The realization surprised him, and he cataloged it internally.

The red-head scrubbed a hand through his hair and frowned.

"And go where?"

Neku would definitely be someone to keep an eye on. If he got out, Joshua would go with him. The urge to simply ask, flat out, for Neku to take Joshua with him was strong, but the silver-haired teenager kept it under control.

Neku was very much like Joshua, it seemed. The latter kept watching him for any habits, anything he might be able to use later. Maybe this safety, the safety of Neku's aura, would carry him through the trials awaiting him.

"I... Don't know. But I think somebody's waiting for me on the outside. Or will be. Ugh. It's hard to explain. Like... I just know that someone's expecting me to do something. I'm here for a reason." He stated.

Neku twisted a lock of hair nervously, no longer watching Joshua's face but the wall. The thought kept replaying in his head: This poor creature is that Joshua? No way.

_"Neku, wait. Wait. I think we can help you." _It was the first time that the voice had ever said anything like that. _"Oh yeah, great. Going to ask me to kill the kid again?"_ There was a lag in communication. _"No. But we might have a plan."_

The red-head didn't answer the voice this time, but was definitely annoyed at the lack of information he was getting- on both sides.

"What would you do if I said I had some sort of plan?" Neku's eyes were wide. Why had he said that? That wasn't what he was going to say. The 'voice' was going too far now.

"I'd want in."

Joshua smirked, an almost playful, mischievous expression dawning over his features. Neku didn't know what Joshua went through during procedures, and Joshua didn't know how much Neku knew about the instances where he'd lost control. He'd find out shortly, but he wanted Neku to get lost and grow unsure about where to take their conversation, to run out of questions, before Joshua began to ask any of his own.

"Well, duh." Was Neku response. "Tch. I don't think anybody else in this place has the freakin' sense to take such an opportunity. People are sick." He all but spat. His anger wasn't directed at Joshua though; far from it.

There was no way he was going to do this alone.

_"Yes. That's it. Ally with him. Go on." _Neku actually huffed audibly. _"You want me to kill him or kiss him? Make up your damned mind, Voice."_

And he was smirking a little when he turned to look at Joshua- also looking mischievous. That was interesting. Neku hadn't thought the kid had it in him.

"Great. I guess you're in on it."

"People are like sheep. Especially when they're scared."

Not much choice, now.

"In on...?"

"The... Plan." Stupid. Stupid. Voice. "I'm going to figure something out." He said, trying not to sound like he had absolutely no idea what he was doing.

"Tell him that you have friends on the outside."

"I've got friends on the outside!" He blurted. That was better. Of course now...

"Don't say anything else. They're listening."

Neku wondered why he was listening to this disembodied voice, but then reminded himself of one fact: It had never once steered him wrong. The red-head watched Joshua- something that was almost curious and hopeful in an almost...terrified sort of way.

At first, Joshua was irritated by Neku's vagueness. Defiant, even. The one time he'd ventured to ask a question, and Neku's response was to point out the obvious. Still, before Joshua could even consider a snide remark or lapse into a sullen silence, he took note of the raw confusion in Neku's eyes. There was someone talking to him. That much was very clear; the poor boy had no idea what he was doing.

Violet eyes flicked to Neku's ears. The copper locks of hair mostly shrouded them, but Joshua could see that he was clear of any audio devices that the staff may have been feeding him information from. With that bit of relief, however, came another wave of suspicion. Getting close would be a serious liability. He had to be careful.

Too bad he still felt safer by Neku's side than he had in over a decade.

"I see."

Perhaps now would be an appropriate time. If Neku was honestly on his side, it'd steer the poor boy clear of suspicion from the staff.

"...What do the others say?"

"I can't. He said not to say anything else." Neku replied, sounding frustrated.

And he was. The Voice never steered him wrong, but... It was being more and more active, sometimes pushing him to do things that he wouldn't have on his own. Neku was pretty sure that it was somebody on the out side communicating with him somehow- somebody who was a loud Speaker. It was one of the abilities that was highly prized here. The kids who could do that were watched closely. Maybe it was someone who had already escaped?

_"Not quite kid. But I'm out here, and I'd really rather that you didn't have to axe the kid, now that I see how things are."_ Neku let his eyelashes flutter shut. _"Okay. What do you need me to do? I'll do it if it'll get me... Us. Out of here."_ And there was actually a sigh in his mind, an audible hum of distaste. _"I need to talk to him."_

Neku looked at Joshua, and was pretty sure that he couldn't control himself well enough to push his ability out from his body. Maybe to the surface of his skin, if he really focused but...

"...Wants to talk to you." He mumbled.

Neku had misunderstood. Maybe on purpose.

Joshua shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't sure he really wanted to know what the other children said about him, what stories they told, what exaggerations and truths and rumours and lies were spread about Project Yeshua that soiled what little pride the boy had left.

He nodded at Neku, albeit distantly. He was used to screaming pain and unwanted voices inside of his head. At least this one had asked for permission. Through Neku, but still. It was something.

He hated this. Neku hated being the go between. Why couldn't he just be Neku? It was eating at him even now, even as that same Voice tried to hum safety and reassurance in his mind. It would all be okay? That was a bit of an overstatement if he'd ever thought one. After this place, he doubted that anyone could ever be okay again. And then, slowly, worriedly:

"Can I touch you?" It wasn't a good thing to be touched, in this place. If you were touched, it often meant that you weren't doing what you were supposed to be doing when you were supposed to be doing it. And that never resulted in good things. Neku waited.

Joshua almost said "no" immediately, but he restrained the outburst. There was no reason for him to say yes. He trusted Neku, but not that much, and he hated being touched more than any of the others could possibly imagine. He looked away, trying to solve the problem that tugged at his mind.

Then he nodded, a very tiny movement that would be missed entirely if Neku wasn't watching like a hawk.

Better to do this now if it meant a possibility of escape anytime soon.

Alright. The kid's expression was hard to read, but he did make a small movement of affirmation. Neku frowned and looked down at his hands before he raised one carefully. He had to focus, bringing whatever it was that flowed so strongly within him to the tips of his fingers, the music that the Voice threaded its way to as close to manifesting as it could be.

Neku slowly reached out to trail his fingers over the other boy's thin wrist, and almost gasped at the odd feeling of connection.

_"You there kid? Yo-Hn. Joshua. I'm a friend. You know me, but I don't think you remember."_ Neku felt like a spectator in his own mind. It was a very odd sensation.

_"I don't. But I know I should. I lost my memories about a month after they began the experiments on me. I thought there was something to protect, but that's all I know, and...I can't remember why I did it, now, save for the fact that I wanted to protect what I do."_

It was hard. Joshua was safe in his mind, but he communicated with others so rarely that it was difficult to articulate his thoughts, to organize them, even in his own mind.

He was dimly aware of Neku's presence, but was too distracted by this stranger to even have flinched away from Neku's touch.

_"...You were going to use my name."_

Serving as a conduit, Neku could feel the beginning of something like a tingling sensation from the collar around his neck. That wasn't good. Not good at all. And he also felt the Voice fighting to suppress it.

_"Keep protecting It. It needs you now more than ever. I can take care of It in your stead, though. And yes. I know your name. I was with you when you were very small... Neku is there for you. I sent him for you."_

And that came as a shock for the boy who didn't know who he was or where he'd come from. If the man who was the Voice knew Joshua... did he know him as well? The Voice also seemed more serious and less lazy than usual. Neku wanted to ask questions, but didn't want to interrupt this... exchange. He hoped that his grip on the other boy's wrist wasn't getting too tight while he fought the slowly escalating pain wracking his body. Neku would hold the connection though. He knew that this was crucial.

No. Joshua could feel Neku's pain, to a surprising extent.

_"Then I'll trust him. End of conversation. Thank you, Sanae."_

He wasn't sure why he was suddenly so sure of who it was speaking into his mind. He recognized the voice, distantly, and connected the name with it. Little else clicked, no face or surname, but Joshua again recalled that warm and bitter scent of home that he'd taken comfort in so long ago.

And then he ripped his arm away from Neku, eyes narrowing as he pretended that Neku was simply overstepping his boundaries. Really, all he was doing was making the shared connection stop hurting the first friend he'd ever known.

Trust seemed to be a good idea at this point. It should start now.

Sanae? The Voice had a name now. That made Neku very interested. But it was physically painful to think about it for too long. He actually jumped when the connection between the three of them broke. There was a soft sound of pain- or maybe just discomfort, and then Neku stared at Joshua in disbelief.

"Okay. Shit just got real." He stated without thinking. The red-head really didn't know what to make of it, but he was infinitely glad that he had trusted his gut.

Joshua giggled softly, a sound and sensation that was foreign to his own ears, though he didn't show it. He looked away, folding his hands in his lap and visibly recoiling from Neku.

He gave Neku a meaningful look that still accompanied his smile, a gentle warning that everything was okay. Then his smile vanished and he donned a serious and slightly angry expression.

"You can't trick me or control me. My powers are mine."

The flicker of care in his eyes should have made it clear that he did not believe the words he was speaking.

It made sense to him that Joshua would be ever careful; ever vigilant. Neku's first reaction was to try and plead his and the Voice's case, before the boy's expressions and pointed looks registered in his mind. He took a deep breath and crossed his arms.

"I see. I should have known better. I was just... stretching my legs." Damn it. And now somebody somewhere was sure to know that whatever it was he was hiding and pretending not to have was manifesting. Neku was pretty sure that he felt sick. The red-head tried not to show it though.

Joshua shook his head and looked away.

"I have to go soon. I have a ...briefing."

Yes, that was what it was called. Briefing. When the staff looked at other subjects to try and determine their power, their project group, their ability to transmit their powers to others. No need to tell Neku the true name of his consultations. Not yet.

He wasn't ready to answer those questions.

Neku nodded, understanding. Everybody had those, and he was sure that Joshua's were particularly intensive. He looked down at his hands for a moment, wondering at what had really just transpired and what it was going to mean. And underneath all of his anger and apprehensiveness, Neku was wondering if maybe he'd made his first real friend. Something pinged him in the back of his mind, and his head shot up, eyes searching out the opposite end of the hallway. There were whispers coming from there, other Subjects trying to stay hidden while they spied.

"Yeah. Good luck, I guess. Come talk to me again sometime, Josh. It's sort of... Nice." He said slowly, almost lazily. Neku was only half there, his consciousness trying to wander towards the gossips who were now one hell of a liability for him. Maybe not for Joshua, he thought, since he was under such heavy guard most of the time.

"Ugh. Little rats."

Joshua followed Neku's gaze lazily, casting a completely deadpan expression towards the group of teenagers that lingered, watching.

"Rats are smart. They're sheep, Neku."

He stood, looking back to his new ally. He bowed his head in a motion of respect and farewell, and turned.

"...When I'm not confined to my chamber, I'm either sitting here or reading. See you around."

And he left.


	2. The Plan

**The Plan**

It had been a year of memories that Neku held onto for dear life. He was tired of having no roots- nothing to cling to but the oddly pushy-as-of-late Voice in his head. Thanks to the boy who was project Joshua, the Voice had a name: Sanae.

That was a bit of a twist in and of itself, and as Neku lay awake in his bed after lights out, he was wondering about many things rather than sleeping. The primary thing being questions about how the three of them: Neku, Joshua, and Sanae were connected. But whenever he tried to think too hard: Especially about Sanae himself, the red-head felt like his skull was going to shatter.

Late at night, nearly a week after his first encounter with the beautiful captive, the Voice came through after being quiet for too long for comfort.

_"We have a plan."_

And this was why Neku was out of his room at some ungodly hour, sneaking through the kitchen and stealing utensils. A fork and several butter-knives that would soon be much more dangerous than their names implied. The thing that pissed him off the most was that he didn't want to do this, and yet here he was. It was hard to fight Sanae's pushes sometimes, and Neku often fell prey to being but a puppet to his will.

_"Why are you having me do this? I already told you that I won't hurt him."_ Neku wouldn't have killed anybody in here: They were stupid, but they were human.

_"It's not for him. It's for the Staff. Time for you to make your presence known."_

_"WHAT? They're going to kick my ASS. Or crank my collar to max, and then I'll probably get static shocked just for thinking at you."_

_"Trust me. And trust Josh."_

_"Screw you! What can Josh do for me?"_

_"Go. Towards the restricted area. The place where they keep the dangerous ones. Stop them."_

And Neku was walking, his freshly sharpened blades tucked away in sleeves as he trotted. The sickest thing was that he knew no matter how dark it was in these nighttime hallways, there was somebody watching with nightvision, somebody who saw that he was on the move.

When Sanae's nudges suggested that he stop, Neku found himself by a door where light filtered out from under it. There were distant voices on the other side of it, at least two. He almost cursed out loud, wondering what he was doing here and why.

It was times like this that almost made Joshua glad for the collar that blocked his powers so completely. It wasn't a normal consultation; it was a small procedure that was awaiting him. He was sure of it now. He recognized the monitors, the needles, the innocent looking metal plates, small and circular, that would tap into his mind and cause so much pain.

But there was no holding chair this time, and Joshua was smug about it. He'd destroyed it last time. Still, though he was silent, his eyes were wild and fierce as he backed away from the two men that approached him. They were to hold him down while his mind was probed. It was more than just a test of power, for now; they wanted his thoughts and memories and emotions, where Neku was concerned.

They wouldn't get it.

Joshua cringed, but, with difficulty, refrained from struggling against the impossibly strong staff members pinning his small body to the wall. He could feel the bite to his essence, even now; the lead and iron that insulated the walls kept his powers from breaking from the room, and kept him from escaping. Desperate, his eyes darted to the door, his only escape.

He clamped his eyes shut and flinched vainly against the third of the four staff members in the room. She was a middle-aged and slender woman, who pressed the cool metal to his forehead with one hand and pulled his collar free with the other. He couldn't repress his whimper. The pain that would come would be something past endurance, simply because he'd be focusing on something else entirely.

Keeping his memories his and his alone.

The thoughts going through Neku's own mind were simple enough: _I am SO SCREWED._ Neku had never gone out of his way for anybody in his life, that much he was sure of. If he had, he wouldn't be feeling this reluctance now. Sure, Josh seemed like a nice enough kid, but was he worth what would probably be horrible punishment and more research dumped onto his head? The red-head wasn't sure anymore, but it looked like he wasn't going to be given a choice, either. He was certain that whatever was on the other side of this door would have something to do with Joshua.

Sanae pushed him again, and suddenly, Neku was tapping into a part of himself that he didn't know existed. His consciousness pushed out like the day that he had served as the conduit for Sanae and Joshua, but this time, he caught a glimpse of electronic bits- wires, a circuit board, the locking mechanism- and suddenly the metal key-card reader in front of him sparked and shorted out. Without thinking, he knew what that meant.

And with a sharp shout that was more fear and uncertainty than a battle cry, Neku kicked the door open, a knife in his hand as he threw himself blindly at the closest person to him. It was an unfortunate older man whose duty was probably simply to 'watch the door' or something of that sort. The knife came down on the shocked guard's throat, and as Neku pulled back to make another strike, blood splattered across his face and clothes, he was afraid. The red-head hadn't known that he could- would kill someone for anything. And suddenly it was coming to his body as though it were second nature. As though it were in his very programming. The other knife and the fork slipped from his sleeves and darted through the air like bullets aimed for the other two.

Pain was starting to blossom in his head, the collar was burning him horribly, but Sanae's strong grip on his mind kept him moving.

_Joshua. Stop them. Save Joshua_.

Instinct reared up at precisely the wrong time. The moment the door burst open, the older woman who seemed so innocent activated the machine that caused the agony that was so unbearable to Joshua...but there was no avoiding the fact that he saw Neku, and his instincts screamed too many things at once. He wanted to protect Neku, wanted to get out. The door was open. He wanted to struggle free from the guards who were so well trained that they held him down even as Neku killed the man whose job it had been to make sure the power levels didn't get too high.

With no one tending to that small task, the discomfort in Joshua's mind and body grew to a measure he'd never known for this particular machine, and he screamed in pain at the same moment his powers launched out. The silverware stopped in mid-air before clattering to the ground, and Neku was thrown against the back wall. Instinct.

And now they knew his first priority was his new friend's safety. He'd have to remedy that, and even through the blinding pain, he did. His scream of agony cut short, and he twisted in the arms of the men holding him, fought...

And then the pressure was gone, the men gone, and only Neku and the woman remaining. The pain stopped, and the woman replaced the collar around his neck with inhuman speed. His hold on Neku stopped after the collar delivered a painful shock, and the staff member pressed the button on her tag that signaled a silent alarm.

Helplessly, Joshua glanced to where the men had been, and then met Neku's eyes. They had moments.

"Go. Now."

The breath was stolen from Neku's lungs as a flash of blue light all but blinded him. When his senses came to him again, the two men that were holding Joshua were gone and- he was sure he'd heard him scream- sure that those men had been there and hurting him. Something was hurting him.

And Joshua stared at him, spoke words that would do nothing for him. He fought the grip on his mind, Sanae urging him, pushing him, telling him that he had to do this. And in that moment, Neku hated these people and wanted them all to meet the same end. That was enough. He hoped that Joshua could see that he wasn't doing this entirely of his own will.

The red-head's body lurched and then moved towards the woman, hand outstretched. There was a spark, and fire, and then suddenly everything was screaming. Neku was screaming, the pain of his collar more than he could bear, the woman was screaming before the heat of his flames would scorch her lungs, and the echoes of Joshua's scream rang in his ears before everything was too much. Neku collapsed to his knees. It wasn't like he could get away anyway. They'd know who he was, and he'd suffer either way.

At least three different classes of power were shown. If there was somebody watching on the other side of the metallic walls, they'd know. Nobody could do things like that. You were born with one Psych class or none at all, and suddenly Neku was reminded of just how little he knew about himself.

Voices. Joshua could hear them, the panicked shouts and heavy footfalls of the night guard coming to check on them. He crossed the room hurriedly to take a careful hold of Neku's arm.

All four of them, dead, two by erasure, and two by Neku's hand. Neku would be punished horribly for this, but the likelihood that they'd erase him in their own way was too great for Joshua. He forced Neku to his feet and slammed him against the wall. It wasn't intentionally violent. He was weak and weary and his mind and body alike were still echoing with terrible pain.

"They broke the rules," Joshua said quietly, and behind him, the corpses vanished in a flash of blue light that was accompanied by a sharp wince and a cry of pain. Joshua's eyes were alert as he stared at Neku. "They wanted my powers. They wanted to use you to get to me and rise in their internal rankings. I lost control. Me. Just me."

His body spasmed, his free hand groping vainly for his collar as he erased the blood, the silverware. His grip on Neku grew tighter, more desperate, and then he let go.

"Run. I'll be okay, and I won't let them hurt you." Joshua pulled back, a weak and terrified look in his eyes, but an honest smile on his lips. Honest and sad. "Trust me."

It wasn't hard to imagine now, why Joshua was the one that they tortured the most, why he was the one that they valued the most. Neku had never seen anything like what had just happened; corpses and evidence gone as though it had never existed. His eyes darted, terrifed as Joshua stared him down. The fear wasn't directed at the boy in front of him, but at the sound of approaching voices.

His mind worked quickly. This was why people were afraid of him. It'd just be another incident for him, wouldn't it? Would he be punished too? And Neku saw that he was giving him a chance. He couldn't waste it.

"Damn it... Joshua, I'm sorry." And he pushed past his ally, his hand lingering on his shoulder as he ran.

What the hell had Sanae been thinking? This was horrifying. He had just murdered two people, and there was no way that he could come back from that. After dodging the night watch several times in the hallway, Neku collapsed into his bed. He didn't sleep that night.


	3. The Visit

**The Visit**

Joshua was smug for the month immediately following the chaos with Neku and the small procedure. The night guard had believed Joshua stories of the four erased staff members stealing him away and taking Neku under the suspicion that he was close to Joshua. They were planning to use him to their advantage, and, against the rules, continue with an unscheduled procedure. If all went well, they'd have received Joshua's powers, and would have been the most powerful and successful staff in the entire Program.

Of course, this was all an elaborate lie that developed in Joshua's head in a matter of a few short seconds. He'd offered to show the night watch his memories as proof. They'd declined, the cowards that they were. Joshua would have had to remove his collar, and they feared possession, erasure, in the absence of those who knew how to work the machines that supposedly drew the power from Joshua's mind and body and soul. Joshua had gotten off easy, and they had agreed to not investigate the matter of Neku's closeness to him.

Neku had been abducted and used as part of an experiment on Project Yeshua. That was how it was, and it was no fault of Neku's.

So, of course, though loneliness and fear and hate ate at Joshua worse than ever before, he let his pride and his smug nature carry him through the month after the event.

Even now, as he sat in a common area, reading a book on human anatomy, he found his eyes staring at a cluster of words that he did not really see. Instead, his mind recapped that night's events to him, over and over, as it had done for weeks since.

Neku had been through weeks of intense study. It wasn't the punishment he had been expecting, but it was just as horrific. He'd shown his wide array of abilities at the Voice's behest more than once now, and not everyone was blinded by Joshua's clever thinking. There was always someone watching, after all. Of course, nothing of it would be communicated to the precious Subject. Neku had spent three days nearly submerged in water, unable to move as they tried to tease his mind altering ability out of him. Neku had refused, and Sanae had helped him again by keeping him company and his mind away from the desire to break.

He'd been expecting more solitary confinement, but today he was all but shoved out of the door. Neku didn't like that at all. He hadn't been sleeping well since, the memory of what really happened that nigth playing through his mind. As the red-head wandered the halls and common areas, his eyes were unseeing. Neku's mind was elsewhere, away from the pain and away from the white walls. He was thinking about the city outside; all but wandering its streets in his mind. There was somewhere that he liked to go. Somewhere that was safe. Somewhere that was home. But he couldn't remember it, no matter how many times he wandered his map of Shibuya in his mind.

Neku was jerked back into the waking world when he caught a glimpse of silver. The common room was quiet as people pointedly avoided Joshua. What was this, a trap? Why had he been left free to roam today? He paused, considering it for a long time.

"Go. Maybe we can come up with something."

He crossed the rest of the way and sat down at the table across from Joshua. He could feel them watching, and it made him sick.

The jolt of the room's vibe was immediately evident to Joshua, and he glanced up. Amusement and pleasure flickered in his eyes, but there was no visible change of expression. Still unsmiling, his gaze flicked right back down to the words in the book.

"Neku."

He didn't want Neku to leave. He had questions to ask, and questions to answer, and Neku's company was something he craved beyond anything else here. Save for freedom.

He simply nodded in response, staring out from dark-ringed eyes and messier than usual copper spikes. Neku's gaze roamed over Joshua's delicate features. He seemed to be alright, at least.

After a few moments' deliberation: "S'up?"

It seemed almost anti climatic, but he didn't know what else to say. Conversation wasn't exactly his strong point, after all.

That got a smirk out of Joshua, and he closed his book. Certainly not the most eloquent way to start a conversation, but it was more than was usually offered.

"...S'up. Seriously?"

He giggled softly, brushing silver bangs from his eyes. Neku wasn't looking well, but Joshua was hardly sympathetic. His punishment would have been much worse if not for Joshua's cleverness, and they both knew that.

"Yeah. Would 'How are you this fine day, sir?' Suit you better?" Neku asked sarcastically, folding his arms.

Neku wouldn't mention what he was going through. It was selfish and stupid in the face of someone who suffered more on a daily basis. He just looked at the table and tried to decide on some good words to say.

"Seriously though. How are you?" And Neku heard Sanae chuckle in his head. It was almost a sound of delight.

That was a question Joshua didn't know how to answer. He stared at Neku blankly, fingertips tracing the worn binding of his book, and then weakly rolled his left shoulder back in a lazy shrug.

"Why do you keep...coming over?"

It made no sense. Especially after their last encounter.

"What?" Neku raised an eyebrow at the question and mirrored Joshua's shrug.

"Because I'm not a sheep." He offered. That was a good enough offering, wasn't it? The red-head frowned- it was almost a pout. You don't ask your only friend why the hell they're hanging around.

"Why do you let me? You don't have to hang around. Or you could tell me to shove off." Neku sounded less irritated than he could have.

What else was he going to say: 'The Voices made me do it.'?

Joshua's eyes narrowed, ever-so-slightly.

"Why would I?"

Normally, the exchange of wits would be a pleasant change from the ongoing sameness that this place presented to him, but the subject matter was not very pleasant at all.

Did Neku want to leave? Was he just...waiting for permission? Or was he here for a reason?

Neku's expression became something noticeably more neutral.

"I dunno." He stated. "I was just saying. If you really didn't want me around, you could make me leave easily." He splayed his hands out on the table in front of him.

"Look. I don't have anybody else to talk to. and believe me, people aren't jumping at the chance anymore now that they all think we're having midnight rendezvous and shit." His expression soured. "You wouldn't believe the things they're saying, and what they say about you. They're wrong."

"What do they say?"

Joshua had asked once before, inquired carefully about the rumours that circulated about Project Yeshua. He hadn't gotten an answer. He wanted one.

And, afterwards, he'd ask Neku why he thought they were wrong.

"They say you're a monster, and that you're controlling my mind. They're afraid that I'll start vaporizing people and 'doing your will'." Neku scoffed. "They're idiots. How can they say that shit, when they're like us? We're all in the same boat." And again, like that day: "People are sick."

He watched Joshua's face only after he felt that his own expression was better controlled. Neku hated the rumors that circulated, hated the stigma that was given to the other boy.

Ah. That explained it.

"What did they say before we met?"

Joshua knew now how to shake off Neku. If it didn't work, nothing ever would. But first, Joshua intended to get all of the information he could out of the boy who showed him such rare kindness.

"...That you're a monster." He repeated, as though the answer should have been obvious. Neku just smirked at his friend. "And regarding that... Well. I don't think you're anymore of a monster than I am. Maybe we're both big. Scary. Monsters." He said darkly. Neku's gaze flashed that same dangerousness it had that night for a split moment.

"They're all afraid of you, Josh."

A low chuckle left Joshua's lips, and he smirked at Neku. Big scary monster? Neku? Hardly. There was a great deal of power and talent, but he had no medium. Yet. Joshua sensed that in his life before here, he'd knew more about Neku's abilities, but he couldn't recall, and he wouldn't dwell on it.

He had to shake Neku off before the beautiful boy was dragged with him to Hell.

"They should be. It's my fault they're here."

Again, Neku's expression read something of disbelief. Even if it was Joshua's 'fault', it's not like he'd meant for it to be... No way.

"Right. It's about as much your fault as it is mine for listening to the 'Voices'." He stated sharply. What was with him? Joshua was definitely strange in that regard. Neku wasn't afraid of him, no matter what he did. Honestly, he had a better sense of self preservation than that but it wasn't showing at this point. He felt almost like he was used to this sort of thing, and if this Sanae was a friend of theirs, then maybe he was.

"You don't understand," Joshua sighed, exasperated. "This place was created because of me. It all started with me."

He tapped at his collar, smiling sadly to further enhance the honesty in his words.

"Project Yeshua isn't their top project. It was their first."

Well. That was interesting. The Program was relatively new, after all. It had gotten funding when they'd found their first big break. It was... Joshua? That still didn't make it any more his fault. In fact, it made him the saddest victim of them all.

"What the fuck...?" He shook his head. "This is sick. You don't deserve this. Nobody does. It's not your fault... You were born like that. Like me." Neku's outrage at this concept felt familiar and then he remembered suddenly- "I was going to stop this. I was going to shut this place down."

"That's just it," Joshua murmured, glancing at a flicker of movement by the door. He raised his index finger to his lips thoughtfully. "I'm not sure I was born with it. But I...can't remember."

It was a shame that Neku seemed so keen on making excuses for Joshua. It was getting rather difficult to not get attached to this boy. Kind, brave, strong-willed, determined, intelligent, loyal...he was truly a treasure anywhere he'd be found. His soul, aura, and psychic abilities simply made him that much more beautiful.

"You'll need help."

"I... Yeah." He had some help, but that wasn't something that was safe to say at this point. Neku shook his head, unsure as to weather he was denying something or just trying to clear something from his mind.

"I... Can't let them keep doing this. I'll find a way." There was always a way. There was always a chance. Someone had taught him that. The same person who had tried to teach him to open up to people. Who was it, again...?

"You probably think I'm crazy. Maybe we're all crazy." He stopped, frowning, his face serious. "It doesn't matter. We're allies now. Sa-" He stopped himself. "There are obvious reasons as to why that is." Neku didn't want to say that name out loud; not ever.

"I'll do what I can, Neku. If it helps."

Joshua looked towards the ceiling, as though wishing he could stare into the sky. He hadn't in far too long. He wasn't allowed outside. Sadly, he looked back down towards his lap.

"We're getting them out. Whether they hate me or not."

And then he was going to tear this place down.

"Thanks... And... Yeah. We'll do what we can." He responded slowly.

And he watched Joshua's face quietly. This was why he was here. That much was becoming clear to him. It was as though his memories were trickling slowly back to him through a pinprick in his mind.

"We can do this. There's a plan." He said, and hated that they were being watched. And then suddenly another thought:

"So you don't remember it? You don't remember the city?"

"No."

Joshua's gaze crept up to meet Neku's, violet hidden beneath lowered lashes. The city was the least of his worries. He had the oddest sensation that he wanted to visit a river, to watch fish and listen to trickling water. He wanted to look at the sky, to blink away snowflakes, to stand in the rain.

No other words left him. He pulled at his collar, his eyes soft and sad.

"Can I show you?" It was something he was compelled to do. Something that he felt like Joshua needed. Neku often walked the streets in his mind, struggling for something that was a blank spot. It was like there were holes in his map of Shibuya but...

He lifted his hand and splayed his fingers as though to show the other Subject that there was nothing threatening in his hand.

"Just like that first time." He added.

"..."

Joshua wanted to see. He almost nodded immediately, but kept himself calm enough to think about the consequences. To see the memory of something he craved so desperately might have done more harm than good. Deep inside, he felt that he missed the city more than anyone could ever know, but the reason fled just out of his mind's grasp.

He looked away from Neku's offered hand, his eyes mournful and his lips parting in a soft sigh. It was only when he closed his eyes against the gathering wet that he spoke.

"...I can't."

He didn't want a taste of something he'd likely never see again, and it would have hurt Neku besides.

"Can't...?" Neku withdrew his hand, not wanting to force the boy or seem too pushy. Joshua's body language showed his indecision and fear, and it made the red-head worried. They had to work together, the Voice- Sanae- had made that very clear to him.

"I... can show you a lot of things. My mind can wander, it's like..." This was the first time Neku had ever told anyone about this. "Music. I can pick out the different parts of the song; a bass line or a guitar riff. But they're different paths and different places in the city. I don't know why I remember it. Or maybe I don't. Maybe I'm actually seeing it somehow." Maybe he wouldn't be afraid if he explained it to him better.

"No. I hear it too. I miss my city. I don't remember it, but I miss it."

Joshua twirled at a lock of hair, smiling sadly. Neku really did seem to have a lot of the same skills, but be...less aware of them. Clearly, they were better controlled. Joshua's abilities had been tampered with for far too long. Sometimes, he didn't know whose eyes he was looking through anymore, and it frightened him.

"I don't want a glimpse of what I'll never again see for myself."

"Don't say that." Neku said quietly, but his tone was clipped. "I'm not staying here for the rest of my life, and you're not either." He had said it before he'd even realized it. And there was no taking that back- it was a promise. Neku knew that lying was wrong, and breaking promises was even worse. He couldn't let Joshua down. Not now.

"I...You hear it too?" Neku knew he shouldn't be talking about this. Knew that they were watching and listening and that this was going to make the things they had put him through even worse. They were going to be trying to tease things out of him that he couldn't- wouldn't- give them.

"The music... I can see anywhere in the city. I spend hours doing it sometimes. And... There are times when it feels like if I tug on it just right that the music could flow through me. But I'm afraid. It hurts every time I try." He motioned to his collar. It was a bad idea, but if Joshua could help him- could tell him more about himself in any way then it would be worth the pain.

"The collars...are sometimes unjust punishment," Joshua said quietly. "I see things. Auras. Noise. I hear the music and feel the emotions and read the thoughts of those around me without even consciously trying to. I look at you, and I don't just see copper hair and sapphire eyes, Neku."

Joshua lowered his head slightly, his gaze serious.

"I see a brilliant aura that wards off Noise. I feel security and courage. I hear music louder and more harmonious than I've ever heard. All this, just from looking at you. My mind works like my eyes and ears. There's no turning it off."

He tugged at his collar weakly, gripping the band with the very tips of slender, pale fingers.

"It always hurts. Always."

"You... Do?" Neku was honestly surprised. He knew nothing about himself, but if this is what Joshua himself saw then... Well, what did it mean?

The red-head wondered at the description of himself for a few long moments: He rarely even bothered to look at himself, and to hear about it from someone else was shocking- strange. Neku fidgeted for a moment, and feebly tried to reach out to the threads of music in his mind. Maybe he could see Joshua too, like that. But it was harder for him. Everything within himself was chaos- a different kind of chaos from what was in the other boy's mind.

"You look different to me too, I just... Can't explain it." He finally managed, irritated at his own failure to articulate... well, anything useful. He had half a mind to reach out and brush Joshua's fingers away from the offending collar, as though touching it was giving it- and the whole Program- too much credit.

Joshua lowered his hands into his lap, staring at them blankly for a moment.

"They don't let us come to full terms with our powers. That might be the worst part." He shook his head very slowly, silver hair brushing his cheeks until he moved a hand impatiently to pull his bangs from his eyes.

"Sometimes it's too much to bear. Like when the other students try to draw my power from me. Pain, on too many levels."

He smiled wryly and looked up at Neku again.

"I never talk to them. I never let them close. I...I hate them. They're just accepting what's going to happen to them. I refuse for this to be all that there is. I won't let it be." Neku's voice was heated, his eyes narrowed at the table.

Of course. To them, not only was Joshua the reason that they were all there, he was the only one of them that had the power to destroy their captors and this place- or so they thought. It was cruel, and the thought of it left a bad taste in Neku's mouth.

"We'll get out. Damn it. Sa- The... It all has to be for something. There's a plan, I just don't know it yet."

When had his heart changed? In a matter of weeks, Neku had grown to rely on the other boy, grown to respect and pity him in ways that his heart hadn't known before. He wondered what he had been on the outside, to have been that cold to start with. Joshua was beautiful to him, and sometimes his light was blinding. But that was why he knew that he had to save him.

"I'll get us out of here, Josh."

"No. They're not. They know the path to their escape rests with me. It's a key reason why they do what they do. Sheep do insane things when they're lost, scared, and confused, with no one to follow but the idiot who speaks up loudest."

Joshua's throat hurt from all the speaking he'd done, but he shrugged the discomfort aside. He didn't speak to anyone else, so it wasn't like he had a reason to save his voice. His next procedure wasn't until four days from then anyway. He had nothing to risk.

"Why me?"

Neku's response was quick, but it left him stammering. "Ever since the day I saw you in the hallway- I... The Voice and... I feel like I started to remember things when I started talking to you. I knew I had to. I knew that we had to work together." He hoped desperately that he made sense to Joshua but didn't let too much slip. Who knew how close the Staff was watching them. Probably more closely than he'd like, since it was almost as though Neku had been released from his room today on purpose.

"Because you're... Different from them." He finally managed, eyes lowered and his expression conflicted. "You're my friend, Joshua. I trust you."

"Your...friend?"

What a foreign concept. Joshua's eyes almost shined with desperation and hope, but his smile was a sad one. Friend, huh? Neku would almost certainly be used against him. A liability. A casualty. Joshua found himself a bit worried, but too grateful at the moment to voice it. In fact, he found himself speechless.

Something about Neku was more than just comforting. It was familiar. The music was stronger, and yes, something was very different. Neku's presence touched a part of his mind that was long forgotten - intentionally forgotten.

Home.

A nod was Joshua's only response. Neku felt like he probably hadn't had many friends before. In his mind, people were cruel and unpleasant, not to be trusted. But Joshua bypassed all of those things. He could be harsh, and Neku didn't understand what was going on in his head most of the time- but he blamed it on their circumstances for the most part.

His eyes flickered from Joshua's face to the table, his expression almost bashful.

Joshua couldn't help but smirk slightly at Neku's expression. So insecure. Well, wasn't that cute? He glanced towards the wall clock, sighing at the hour.

"I can never tell if the sun would be setting or would already have gone down," he sighed. His gaze traveled back to Neku. "Neku, would you perhaps do me a favour?"

Neku just nodded, letting a rare smile touch his features briefly.

"Yeah. Whatever you want." He offered. There wasn't much freedom in this place. What could Joshua possibly want from him? Whatever it was, Neku was sure that he probably deserved that and more. He just hoped that he'd be capable of it.

"I know most of the subjects are let outside after briefings and during free time, and sometimes that even means they're allowed to stargaze and the like." Joshua looked away, suddenly feeling uncharacteristically timid. "I wonder...if you would look at the moon the next time you go, and tell me what position it's in?"

The last time he'd seen the sky, the moon hadn't been visible. It had been too cloudy. So much time had passed. He supposed the moon phases hardly mattered, but he did want to know. He could have cared less about the sun, but he desperately wanted to see the moon one last time.

There was surprise written on Neku's features, but his expression was soft. The gentleness there showed his understanding clearly.

"Yeah. I can do that." If he'd be allowed to go outside again. He wasn't sure that he would be. The way they were treating him now... "If I get another chance, I'll look for you."

He worried that it would make Joshua worry, but there was no point in being dishonest. "It's possible now that they won't let me, I think."

Joshua just smiled at him, a display of pure gratitude.

"It's more of a chance than I'll ever have, Neku. ...Thanks."

He grabbed the book and stood to put it back on the shelf, his mind running in quiet circles. He mentally observed the changes in pitch as he moved farther away from Neku, the music's wavering. His collar burned around his neck, but no more than usual, no matter what his distance from Neku was. Interesting.

Neku watched the other subject quietly, just observing the way he moved and the thoughtful look on his face before he lost sight of it. It would have been a happy note to end things on but... There was something eating at him.

"Josh... They haven't let me out of my room since... You know what. Not until today." 'Why?' was the implied question. The red-head frowned, his gaze thoughtful. And though it was nothing much from the usual in this place- Neku had the distinct feeling that he was being toyed with somehow.

"I don't know. Sometimes they do that. They let us out in certain places at certain times, hoping for encounters like this to be made. And so what if they did? We're rats in a cage anyway."

His shoulders moved in a half-hearted shrug as he made his way back, not sitting down again.

"We should consider this a kindness."

After a moment's pause, Neku's face softened a bit.

"Yeah... Yeah, I guess you're right." Even if it was some bullshit behavior study, at least he wasn't trapped in his room. For now. Lately, Neku hadn't even been shown schedules like he was used to. Life was simply: being confined to his room and then taken out, escorted to strange experiment rooms that he'd never seen before and put through tests that were closer to torture than anything he'd known.

It looked like Joshua was getting ready to leave. Neku wanted to prolong this; to cling to the first real human contact he'd had in a while- and that was a stretch for him. His expression was heavier than he would have liked, and his voice lighter.

"When will I see you again?" Stupid question. Stupid, stupid, stupid question. Neku flinched. There was no way either of them would know. He just wanted to keep talking. Finally, somebody understood him. Finally, somebody knew what it was like. He wanted to know more.

"When they let us out again." Joshua cocked his head. He understood Neku's desires perfectly, feeling almost the exact thing himself. "I have one of my...er, briefings, in four days. If I'm capable when it's over, they usually let me do what I want for the rest of the day."

He wasn't sure why he was trying to save Neku from the pain of knowing exactly what he went through. There wasn't much point. Still, he doubted his carefully-chosen words would evade Neku's inquiries for much longer. The boy was smart, and beyond that? He was grasping.

He nodded again, and was infinitely grateful that his blurted question hadn't been misunderstood or taken as blatant stupidity. He looked down at his hands so intently that the circlet around his neck started to press uncomfortably against his collar bone.

"I'll... Find you. Or at least look for you." He added, his expression serious. Neku was more sure than ever now that these people were watching and waiting for something but... What?

_"Don't get your hopes up kid. If we can't find a way out of there for you, you know what your alternative is." _Neku went rigid at the sudden intrusion, Sanae's Voice carrying more warning than usual. Neku didn't like it.

Joshua just nodded at Neku, still grateful for the company, for the companionship, and liking him more by the minute. His sharp eyes noticed immediately the change in Neku's physical appearance as the boy grew tense, the change in his aura too hard to miss.

"Neku?"

He didn't like it. Whatever it was. Instinctively, he took the stance he took when faced with a procedure. His eyes hardened, his muscles grew tense, and his slender fingers curled in on themselves, small hands tightening into fists. What was his new ally doing...?

When the sound retreated from his mind, Neku let out a soft breath and shivered. He couldn't find words. Neku knew that he couldn't- that he wouldn't. Joshua was his first and only friend in this place.

"I... It was..." His push back against the Voice's quiet and dangerous warning was as violent as he could manage. Neku trusted Sanae, but he hated the thought. He'd save them both, even if it meant breaking out on his own.

"... A warning."

"A warning. What warning?"

Only one person could have given Neku any sort of warning, and as Joshua's keen gaze swept over Neku's ears, he found himself nervous. He didn't remember Sanae, but ...was there something he should have known? Would Sanae have any reason to do them harm?

"All of this over one kid. It's not fair." Neku muttered, wide eyed as he shook his head.

Joshua didn't deserve all of this. It made him angry.

"Forget it." He snapped his gaze back up to meet amethyst eyes. "We're getting out of here. That's the end of it."

_"I guess that's the best attitude you can have, Phones." _Neku glared inwardly.

_"My name is all I've got. It's Neku. So use it."_

"Sorry. It's... being...Loud."

"If you say so..."

He tugged at his collar thoughtfully.

"Neku, when they experiment on you, do they deactivate your collar or remove it entirely?"

He had to stop and think. Neku was usually busy being uncooperative- not paying attention to what they were doing.

"Just recently they've started taking it off. And it pisses me off because I still can't do anything. I don't... I can't figure out how to make my abilities work sometimes." The last sentence was sheepish, as though he were embarrassed.

Neku was watching Joshua's face now, eyes curious and trusting, almost excited. What was he thinking about? Would it mean that they'd both learn something new about themselves?

"The walls have materials in them that limit our abilities, as do the collars...but they also have a sort of...electromagnetic field that restrict our power usage. I'm not entirely sure how it works. It's not like they'd explain it, you know?"

Joshua flipped his hair out of his eyes and pouted, his eyes brooding as he drummed his fingers against his arm.

"...I want to get out. Enough said."

His eyes said the rest, and as his other hand tugged at the collar again, his point was made clear.

Neku nodded, his eyes narrowed. There was determination on his features. In four days. Four days. The red-head wasn't sure what it was- other than Joshua's next briefing as he'd mentioned. But internally, he was already counting down, already preparing himself for whatever it was. Probably excitement at the chance to see him again so soon. They could talk again. That would be a blessing in and of itself.

"Yeah. We'll figure something out. And then? We'll take these bastards down."

"Whatever you say, Neku."

And he left without a goodbye, for he'd be seeing him again soon enough.


	4. The Attempt

**The Attempt**

On the fourth day, Neku was alert and awake almost three hours earlier than he normally was. Again, he felt the strings of his soul being tugged at. Nothing was more frustrating for the red-head. It was going to be something intense today, and it reminded him of the night that was not to be spoken of- the night he had murdered two people.

He followed his instincts- or maybe it was the push and pull of Sanae's voice, and Neku found himself in a hallway. He wasn't even sure where he was or what the hallway was. In fact, he had the very distinct feeling that he wasn't supposed to be there.

_"Be careful, Phones. This could end bad for both of you."_

Neku was glad to know that Sanae wasn't taking the reins at this point. He hated being a puppet. The red-head leaned against the wall with his eyes and ears trained. Neku waited.

The intense pain of this particular procedure just spurred Joshua on. He kept his silence and sanity by focusing all of his personal energies on the memory of Neku's Soul, so bright and warm and safe that its light brought him comfort even during the most agonizing of times.

It was the first time he'd intentionally let himself Erase those performing the experiments. Slowly, he'd been learning to restrict certain parts of his abilities from their notice, and it paid off. They had removed his collar entirely. The walls around him kept him from teleporting directly out of the place, but even if he'd been capable of it, he refused to leave Neku.

As he tore down the hallway, his body still spasming and his eyes wild from the pain of the procedure, he mentally sought out Neku's Soul.

He was grateful when he found it, and the moment those violet eyes caught sight of the boy in the hallway, Joshua shouted for the first time in years.

"_GO_!"

Neku honestly almost double-taked. In fact, he probably would have stopped, pointed to himself in confusion and asked 'Who, me?' if he'd had more than a few seconds to think. The moment that Joshua was less than three feet from him was when the instinct to move really kicked in.

The red-head turned on his heel and launched himself off of his toe. What the hell was going on? He didn't know, but he was trusting Joshua.

_"What is he- wait, where's his collar? Yes, YES! Run, Phones! Run!"_

Sanae's voice had never sounded like that before. Neku's heart was pounding in his throat as the guarding Voice cheered them on. He tried to match Joshua's pace but he was holding back to do so. A frustrated noise and his hand shot out to grab at Joshua's wrist.

White light. Joshua could feel it, more than see it, gathering in the back of his mind. On another plane, he could physically see it reaching out to touch Neku's mind, and the contact was made as soon as Neku's fingers found his wrist.

_Neku, I'll take your pain. What does Sanae want us to do if we get out?_

He could sense it already, his body leeching the painful grip of Neku's collar so that the redhead could communicate freely with his mind's invaders without the unneeded agony.

His conscious mind shot through the halls, up and down corridors. He locked onto where the guards were, what exits would be easiest to navigate. And then he found one, and his hand twisted to find Neku's and lead him.

Joshua's voice in his mind wasn't as strange or obtrusive as it could have been. This was of course added to by the fact that he was used to Sanae's voice. He reached out and fumbled for his link with the mysterious stranger on the outside.

_"What do we do? Where do we go?"_ He all but screamed in his mind.

_"Get outside. Once you're out, you need to find a view of ten-four. Head towards it. Somebody'll be waiting, if you make it."_

Neku didn't bother to ask about what ten-four was. He had seen it in his mind's wanderings. It was a building that dominated the skyline. That was enough of a description.

The red-head tightened his grip on Joshua's hand and shifted quickly to follow his lead.

The silence that Joshua gave them as a response should have been more than enough of an explanation. He could hear panic tearing through the minds of the staff, curiosity thrumming through the consciousness of the other subjects. No one had ever successfully broken out before, and those who had attempted it at least knew what the outside world looked like. Joshua knew nothing of the sky and the city, of trees and grass, of people who were dressed in anything but these accursed white outfits.

His grip in turn tightened on Neku's, and he shot him a look of desperation and determination. It likely failed to hide the fear that lingered there, the uncertainty.

...They sent out a warning. People will be coming for us. Once we get outside I can teleport, but we have to make it that far. I can see the doors in my mind. It's around this corner. I'm going to blast them. Neku, don't stop running.

Don't think I'm going to let go of you for a second, if that's what you mean. Neku replied, and his eyes echoed what he saw in Joshua's. This was it. Make or break.

And Neku saw them, the eyes of the people on guard duty. Did they know what was coming? Were they prepared for this when they put in the job application? Would their families miss them? Did it matter?

All of this ran through Neku's head as he took a deep breath and pushed forward. He could feel Joshua's aura- his strength pulling the pain that would have been enough to make him collapse and that would have been the end of it. But shared between them it was bearable.

_"Go kids. Go. Just run, and don't stop."_ For a moment, Sanae's voice was almost gentle- fondness in it.

Joshua extended a hand uncertainly, and the blast of energy that issued forth and left absolutely no trace of the guards' corpses almost startled him. He'd seen angels, he was sure of it, but there was something else he saw, and more importantly, something else he felt. Fresh air? Wind? Sunlight?

His eyes widened, but the doors had, amazingly, held firm.

His next blast Erased the doors entirely just as they passed through, and he kept running, a step behind Neku, now relying on him entirely. He was still blinded by the sun and the holy light that had escaped his own hands, but he knew by the taste on his lips and the scent in his nose that he was outside, and it was...wonderful.

Outside. The howl of the city. The sound of people walking and cars honking not far off. They were so close. So close. Neku knew it almost instantly, and he turned to tug Joshua to the left, towards the big building that was jutting up- over a wall. It was high, thick concrete. Neku could see the numbers outlined in red. His wide, wild eyes shot to Joshua and his grip on those thin fingers never wavered.

"Fly. Wings." The words came out sharply, and he just knew somehow that Joshua could do it. He could. He had to... didn't he? How could this be a dead end? Neku's free hand slammed against the material forcefully, and he sucked in a panicked breath.

"Joshua, Joshua we have to- have to do something! Hurry, think!" Neku was thinking too, but his mind was as good as collapsing in on itself. He heard Sanae groan miserably.

Music. It rang clear, through the outside air. Many of the words that suddenly passed through Joshua's mind were all but foreign. Lolita? Triple Seven? Taboo?

He pressed a hand to the side of his head, his eyes glazed with the sudden flurry of conscious minds that rang through his mind. And the sky. Even through the pain, he was focused on it. Baby blue, with streaks of white hastily strung through it like stretched cotton. All of this was pierced by the light of the sun, and Joshua looked away from it all reluctantly to remove his hand from his temple and press his palm to the wall of the back ally. A dead end. How had he not seen this? His eyes were wide and shocked and disbelieving, and he blinked back the tears that tried to form.

Right. The walls. And this one was no different; it blocked his consciousness and walled him in. Though the open ceiling that revealed the sky allowed the voices of the city, the music, to ring in his mind, he couldn't use his powers to their full extent. Couldn't teleport.

He felt his system forcing every bit of his power into one last attempt at escape. Six skeletal wings of the purest white burst from his back, each shrouded by ethereal, transparent feathers. It was blindingly painful, and yet, Joshua's gaze remained entirely focused on the sky. He spread his wings, and they cracked with the sound of broken bones. A sharp cry left his lips, one that he stifled with a hand. No. They were formed, but he could not fly, could not build a wall to keep out the guards while he recovered...

It was a dead end, and there was truly no escape.

"I can't."

Neku stumbled back when the strange appendages burst from Joshua's flesh- or was it from his soul itself? But his grip on the other boy didn't break. He held onto him even as he felt like his new friend was going to crumble away right there in his fingers. He could hear them. They were coming.

"No, no, no! Josh, hold on!" Damn it. Neku reached out, his intention to pull Joshua against his chest, to hide his pained eyes from the horror of what was about to happen to them- but instead his fingertips circled the for-once-bare neck, thumbs threatening to press into the windpipe.

_"Sorry, kiddo." _Neku gasped.

_"No! Fuck you. I won't! Fuck you"_ He screamed in his mind and tore his hands away enough to simply crush Joshua against himself protectively, eyes wide and desperate as the focused on the door. He'd kill them if they had to. Every last one of them. He could do it...

A strangled whimper tore from Joshua's throat. He wouldn't have been able to fight Neku off, but, thank the heavens, he didn't have to. The tears that Joshua was so practiced at blinking back now fell freely as he collapsed against Neku's chest, utterly tense from exhaustion and from the discomfort of being touched, from fear and despair and rage.

He'd seen and heard the sky for the first time he could remember, and it was still for nothing. There was no escape, and the one person he knew he could trust, the only one on the outside who could provide any help, was going to try and have him killed.

Through Neku.

Neku, who was his only friend in this whole damned place. Joshua buried his face in Neku's chest, his wings curling around them both in a vain effort to hide them and protect them from those who were running down the hall to torture them all over again. It would be a few minutes before they got there; this place was cleared. Joshua had made sure of it.

"Neku," he whispered, his voice oddly calm despite the tears that fell so silently from his eyes. "Listen carefully. You were brainwashed. I used you to my advantage. Once my collar was off I forced you to follow because I read your mind and found that you wanted to use me to escape." He looked up, glistening violet eyes focused hard, even through the raw agony that left his body tense, if only to keep him from trembling and fulling breaking down into hard sobs.

"I brainwashed you. I tricked and trapped you. You were an unwilling victim, not an accomplice. Understand?"

"I can't do that- I!" Neku gasped, his eyes still darting about in a vain attempt to find an escape route. "Too much could go wrong, you idiot! What if they won't let us see each other again? Damn it, Joshua!" The red-head was trembling too, holding his friend against him and terrified of what was going to happen.

_"You could be dooming us all, Phones."_ Neku coldly; blatantly ignored the Voice.

"I won't let that happen." He spoke hoarsely, and all but winced at the sound of feet hammering the linoleum floor of the hallway that opened up on them. "You shouldn't have to fight alone anymore."

And what happens when he kills me, takes my place, and is trapped here without one of your double-agents watching to kill him, Sanae?

Joshua's thought left him, bitter, but without his bidding. His fingers tangled in Neku's shirt, and he continued quietly.

"If they find out we broke out together, they won't let us see each other, regardless. The power that got us out was mine, Neku. Trust me. If you trust me, you won't be hurt. You won't be experimented on any worse than usual, and you won't be punished. Blame me. Just blame me. And if you don't do it willingly..."

He hated himself, but pressed Neku's mind with his own, gently, to reassert his presence there.

"I'll make you."

And his tears fell faster as he bit down on the soft cloth of Neku's shirt, unwilling to make a sound, though he'd never once known pain like this.

Neku's mind was screaming, and hot tears began to splash down his cheeks unbidden. He couldn't possibly let Joshua take the blame. What would they do to him? What would he have to suffer? Wasn't he already under suspicion? Being here at all was enough to make him suspect. To make him dangerous and interesting to their scientists and doctors. He'd be known as the one that Joshua chose for the rest of his time here, regardless of what happened.

"Don't... Don't... Joshua, don't do this... damn it!" There was nothing he could do, either way, and he felt himself retreating into his mind, away from everything, even as Staff members started shouting and trying to pull them apart from each other.

_Trust me. We'll see each other soon, okay? I promise._

For safety, for Neku, for the sky he'd seen for the first time that he feared he'd never see again, Joshua fought his captors, fought the hands that grabbed him and pulled him from his only friend. His body was, unfortunately, far too weak, especially in this condition.

Terrified, tears streaming down his face, he looked up to the sky and cried. It was a sound of raw pain and despair, hopelessness, and it was silenced by the collar that was placed around his neck. With the snap that ensured it had closed came an agonizingly painful shock, and Joshua's wings exploded with a pain that literally blew apart two of the men holding him.

_Neku, please, for both of our sakes...trust me..._

Joshua looked up weakly, his tears bloody. His gaze focused on Neku's face, tear-streaked and blood-splattered, before the collar cut their connection and knocked him out cold. He was grateful to know no more.

Neku gave one last snarl and lashed out against the man behind him with a kick that would probably at least bruise his shin. The red-head didn't have the strength to hold onto Joshua up as he fell, and Neku let his dead weight carry them both down to the ground amongst the blood and gore.

The red-head fought them weakly- and an attempt at reaching out to his own abilities ended badly. He let out a cry before collapsing onto Joshua's bloodied body. He was barely conscious, but aware enough to know that he would refuse to hear a word they said.

Neku didn't speak a single word after that; not for a long time. He simply stared blankly while questioned, ignored the men and women who tried so fervently to get anything out of him. He had nothing to say anymore.

The Voice was silent through it all.


	5. Assault

**Assault**

It had been almost two months since Joshua's attempted breakout, and he'd been confined to his room since. He was fed enough to keep him healthy, and little more than that. It was only the music that rang so quietly through this place that kept him from going utterly insane. He'd been experimented on three times each week, with a procedure every Saturday, and he hadn't seen Neku since.

As usual, the Staff bought his stories, accepting that he was a manipulative bastard who tricked a poor, pretty, powerful physic into escaping with him to be his scapegoat should things go wrong, and it was the fact that he endured the pain of his collar and entered each of their minds to enhance his power of suggestion that kept them from wondering why he didn't just blame Neku for it all as he claimed to have planned.

Joshua was shocked to have finally been let out after his seventh procedure since the failed escape, but he was grateful for it. He was malnourished. He hadn't been able to eat or exercise properly, and his body was now spasming constantly. His collar's power level was almost maxed, and it regularly delivered a mind-blowing shock to his body, just in case. He could hardly think about the Noise or auras around him without a sharper punishment being dealt by the collar, and he did his absolute best to steer clear of other subjects.

His body now spasmed with every step, and he was always, always, tense.

He'd lost track of the time altogether. Everything was a blur of agony and interrogation, peppered with more of the new and unpleasant experiments they were putting him through. It was fire now, that they were trying to tease out of him, and it meant hours spent in complete sensory deprivation. They seemed convinced that cutting him off from everything would force him to act out, to do something. And he had.

It hadn't been voluntary. Neku was sure that his body had acted out of defense. It had happened again, as though his body remembered something that he didn't- it remembered how to kill. Even blindfolded and with the sound of the world blocked out from him he was able to incinerate two men. Neku had felt the heat, even smelled the burning flesh and that in and of itself was his own victory. He'd won back his senses before he'd gone entirely mad.

A thinner, colder looking Neku sat at a table alone that day. A group of boys walked past him on their way out of the common room, talking (not whispering or bothering to hide it) about how he had sold his soul to the devil. He snarled and lunged at them on purpose, making two of the five of them jump and scurry off.

He cared even less of what the others thought of him now, and the memory of everything that had happened plagued him. Joshua. Joshua. Joshua. Through the hours of feeling nothing, he tried to feel the way Joshua's feathers had felt on his face, the way the other's fingers had been thin and fragile and yet strong in his own.

Neku had been broken. But he had by no means given up. He'd get them out even if it killed him.

At another snide remark from another group of older Subjects, the red-head kicked his chair back so hard that it hit the wall behind him, and he stormed out of the room after the boys who had run off. Not exactly following them, but needing some sort of purpose in mind. Maybe he could blow off some steam if they had the nerve to come at him.

The sudden clatter of furniture from a nearby common room made Joshua duck behind a wall, eyes wide. He held his breath, listening. His fear of the other subjects was more than just one of physical pain, since that he could handle. Now, he feared the collar tearing his powers apart. He didn't want to lose them, but he knew the loss of control would be just as likely to kill everyone, and the thought of that was more than enough to keep Joshua himself under control.

It was too late that he noticed the familiar music, and he swore internally and jumped around the corner again. Violet eyes sought out the person that it had to have been to just leave the common room.

"Neku?"

But it was too late. Neku had already gone, and that beautiful aura, that angelic music, had faded with him. Joshua leaned back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling, then slammed the bottom of his fist against the cool plaster and closed his eyes. The walls around him were blind-spots, the surrounding walls of the common room typically not used as one-sided windows. It was a rare sanctuary, and given the close call that wasn't close enough, Joshua found it pleasant to take a quiet breath away from those watchful eyes.

The boys that Neku had absently stormed off after were calming down now, heading towards the cafeteria it seemed. The red-head was almost disappointed that he probably wouldn't be able to initiate some sort of mini-brawl (they were common) out of it all. He was more than bored, and itching to let his anger out on something. He gave up after a while, lingering near a bulletin board outside of the room and wondering what the hell he was really doing. For a moment, he thought he had heard a familiar voice; one that he'd longed to hear. But Neku couldn't be sure and... There was no way. He sighed.

Joshua was quiet, keeping his eyes half-open and occasionally flinching from a shock, but to remain against this wall was, for now, a peaceful time. His eyes opened again and he tensed as he felt someone pass him, but the girl that looked his way with curious hazel eyes appeared mostly uninterested. Just another scrawny subject trying to keep out of trouble in a quiet hallway. Nothing odd about that.

It wasn't until after she'd passed him and turned the corner to check a nearby bulletin board that she realized she'd read "Project Joshua" on his collar, and it was a split second later that she found herself standing next to Neku, the boy who had reportedly made friends with the alleged devil.

"Hey. Um, you're Neku, right?"

She tilted her head inquisitively, a lock of golden hair falling over one eye before she pushed it back behind her ear. It was typical; her hair never all wanted to stay in her ponytail. Her eyes remained focused on Neku, and her lips twitched into a half-smile.

At first, Neku didn't pay the Subject that was approaching him any attention. He was standing in front of the cafeteria while trying to decide what he was doing, after all. But when she spoke; and spoke his name, the red-head had to cast his glance her way.

"What do you want?" He asked, the response clipped. He glowered at her, hoping to radiate just how uninterested he was in... Well. Everything.

Meanwhile, the two boys who had been badmouthing him walked by and back up the corridor from which Neku had come. They were talking about 'the Joshua kid's powers' and 'Isn't he kind of girly looking?' now. Neku glared at them.

She glared, too, almost snarling at the boys who passed. Her psychic powers weren't much; she could hide herself at will, and was one of the more powerful empaths here, but she doubted she'd need the latter of the two abilities to sense just how furious Neku was.

She was calm by nature, and seeing Joshua hadn't terrified her. Perhaps having known before seeing him that the boy against the wall was Joshua would have changed her opinion, but her first encounter stuck. The boy who cringed away from her close proximity, the too-skinny, small child who pressed away from her against the wall while trembling the whole time...THAT was Joshua, and though the intelligence and power in his pretty eyes terrified her to an extent, the boy behind the mask did not. She'd never known such panic in anyone, and that scared her more than anything.

"He's a sweetheart, isn't he?" she asked quietly, hazel eyes flicking to Neku once the boys were gone.

"...Who?" Neku demanded stubbornly. His mask flickered at the gentleness in her voice and face, but he didn't drop the act. He wanted to protect Joshua from prying eyes, even when he couldn't see him. And that pain was deep. Thinking about it twisted the knife, and suddenly Neku realized just how lonely he had been for a month and a half- how much he'd longed for his friend. He looked away from the girl.

The two boys: one tall and muscular (though not overly so) with dark skin and messy brown hair and the other shorter and thin like Joshua was with long, straight black hair in a pony tail passed the place where Joshua had been hiding. The second boy, his dark, beedy green eyes narrowed.

"Hey, Max. Wait a second." He was sneering, the tracker suddenly quite aware that the object of their conversation was nearby- or at the very least had been recently.

"Joshua. The one they call Joshua, anyway. I saw him near the common room, pressed against a wall like he can just let it absorb him. He's lonely." She swept her ponytail off her shoulder and behind her back, sighing quietly. "Silver hair. Amethyst eyes. I know you know him. I just...want to know the truth."

She raised her hand defensively. "No tricks. I swear. All I want is an answer. He's no monster, right? Not like everyone swears he is."

And the boy who wasn't a monster had found a corner to sit in that was completely hidden from the staff's prying eyes, and there he sat, listening to the sounds of the nearby common room and wondering why he didn't just go after Neku when he had the chance. Maybe the girl who passed him would find him and tell him where he'd been, but...it wasn't likely.

Neku listened to the girl, and was pretty sure that she was the nosy type that wouldn't be going away any time soon. Great. Better to just answer her questions quickly and be done with it. More importantly- she'd seen him. He was out there.

"No. He's not. Do you really think there's any stock in half of the rumors these shit-heads spread? He's my friend." Neku stated, his tone cool.

The boy named Max stopped at his friend's beckoning, his well-trained eyes meeting the Trackers'. Max had made a living on the streets doing petty fortune telling, but he was in actuality quite a shrewd clairvoyant. His glimpse of what came next made a cruel grin turn up the corners of his mouth. There was an alcove there, where the walls met. It was where his partner in crime's attention was turned to.

"Is that what I think it is, Taro?" He stepped towards the hiding place. "Hey in there. You think you're hiding, or something?"

"Well, the rumour that you were his friend just, like, proved itself true, didn't it?" Her lips twitched into a small smile. "Look, I really don't put much stock in those rumours, but I have to know the truth from the source, you know? I've never seen him before today. If any of those rumours about him were true, he'd...you know, be prancing the place, not hiding from everyone."

Hiding though he was, Joshua knew better than to pretend he was invisible. He got to his feet, still leaning against the wall for support, but said nothing.

"Uh... huh. Right." This girl reminded him of something, but he couldn't place it. Another one of those nagging feelings of a previous life.

"So you know now. And he's out there. And I want to see my friend." Neku almost pushed passed her but decided to be more calm about it. He actually paused, as though waiting to see if she would add something else.

And now Max and Taro were blocking off Joshua's escape. They knew him the moment they saw him, and the rumors of the god-like boy's beauty were true. All of the more reason to make a pass at him.

"Why're you here all by yourself, Joshua? Aren't you too precious to be left with us mere mortals?" The larger boy was moving closer, extending his fingers to brush rather brazenly across Joshua's cheek. His eyes would have been pretty if they didn't mirror his cruelness.

"Wait," she said again, lifting a hand. "Look, I know you think we're all, like, retarded and cowardly. We're not. Some of us still want to get out, you know? And...well, your escape with Joshua was, like, almost successful. Just...you know, wrong door. If you two ever knew which door to go through, what'd be stopping you?"

She was curious, even now, but there was more to it than that. She wanted to escape, and she wanted to help the others escape. Every teen that snarled at a passing shadow, every child that cried into his pillow at night, they were all at least a little normal before this place. And Joshua, well, he wasn't fit for this world, let alone this Hell.

But Hell it was, and Joshua had to fight all of his urges to keep from acting out against his instincts and ordering these two to go away. He had almost repressed the urge to flinch away from the boy's touch, but the accompanying shock from his collar made it impossible, and he cringed. He closed his eyes, refusing to acknowledge any of their sarcastic questions with the rage that would have been obvious, had he dared to show it.

That was a legitimate question. Neku's gaze was serious, and the sarcasm in his voice was mostly false.

"What'd stop me? Huh... The voices in my head, maybe." Ever since then, his skull had been quiet, almost as though he were being admonished. Neku didn't like it. Sanae's attempt at overriding him had failed in the face of his heightened emotions and desire to help his friend that time. He was afraid that he wouldn't be so lucky next time.

"Look. Me and him are gonna get out of here. And when we do? We're coming back and taking these bastards down. If you really want out... Hone your skills and fight with us when the time comes." Neku wasn't looking at her now, his gaze cast further. Something was... discordant in the music, suddenly. It bothered him.

"Hey now, I ain't gonna hurt you. Not much, anyway." Max said, his gaze flickering towards Taro as though to say 'Keep watch'. The darker skinned boy moved to force Joshua against the wall, one hand braced against it so that he couldn't easily slip away. This alcove was convenient, and the bully cataloged it for later use.

He ran his hand down Joshua's chest and gripped his waist.

"Man, you're just skin n' bones. That's kinda sad. Don't they pay any attention to you anymore? Or are you just old news, now Jesus boy?" Max was wondering what he had to do to catch a glimpse of what was called the power of Angels, and the rush of having this sort of power over Joshua- THAT Joshua- was one hell of a turn on.

"I can't fight. My power lies in subconsciously sensing what others feel. That's why I knew Joshua didn't exactly have a malevolent aura. Most of the other empaths are, like, fooling themselves. Fear guides them, you know?" She sighed and raised her hands in a gesture of helplessness. "But you guys got out. It can happen again, but you need, like, more than just two people. With just the bare bones, what can ya really do?"

Nothing.

Just like Joshua, who inhaled sharply and welcomed the bite of the wall into his back over the brat's touch. At this point, he'd have been grateful for the leniency of his old collar, the ability to Erase those who threatened him like this. Unfortunately, the mass procedures and the upped power levels of the collar made it hard. He remained silent.

What honestly confused him, however, was the fact that these two hadn't kicked the shit out of him already. What were they waiting for?

"Outside of these walls...? Who knows? Me and Josh don't... Remember much from before. We don't know who we were or what we were up to. But we know that we want it back." He said quietly. Neku wasn't sure why he was talking to her; why he was compelled to at least be civil. "One thing I do know is that I've got friends out there."

Joshua would be wishing he did- or that he knew of them. That's what was on Max's mind. He wanted to twist what should have been pain into something else. See helplessness and confusion in those strange, violet eyes. The older boy's hand was on Joshua's crotch, pressing against him and moving ever so slightly. The motion was almost gentle.

"Even gods have needs, don't they? Come on, Joshua." His breath was against the silver-haired boy's ear, his tongue darting out to brush against it.

"You're not the only ones, you know?" Her tone was quiet; hazel eyes flicked to her feet. "A lot of people force themselves to forget, or, like, wish they could. It's tough for the kids who have family they'd shed limbs to get back to."

It was a painful concept. To go back to someone would be enough, even for those with no one to go back to.

Joshua was one of those people, and there was indeed confusion in his eyes when they flickered open. What was this asshole doing?

"Don't touch me."

It was enough. A firm statement. Joshua's voice was hoarse, almost raw, from lack of use past the occasional scream or cry he let loose during his experiments. This wasn't the violence he was used to, and he hated the new experience because it was deceptively gentle and horrifically invasive. And so, he struggled.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you're just delusional." Neku said darkly.

He didn't care about the others. In fact, he'd only started caring about Joshua because Sanae had pushed him to. To trust him- and be able to kill him. Now those feelings were irrevocable. Something that the usually hateful and antisocial boy couldn't come back from.

"I don't really give a rat's ass." And this time, Neku really did turn and walk away, back the way he had come.

And Max didn't care that Joshua had spoken. In fact, it spurred him on. He stepped up his game, moving to pull at the waistband of the god child's white pants. He moved his fingertips over the dormant flesh between his legs and chuckled against his throat.

"You like this. There isn't a man who doesn't like a good hand job. I don't give a fuck how much of a god you think you are." He sneered.

The girl watched Neku sadly. The mix of suspicion and trust that had swirled in Neku's mind was surely the cause of the rumours about his insanity, and if Joshua was his friend, it would only end badly.

It meant that Neku and Joshua would either save them all, or doom them all. She wasn't sure which, and she was scared.

Joshua, too, was scared. Scared, confused, and enraged. Instead of just struggling, his weak body not having made any difference anyway, he outright fought. Long-nailed fingers lashed out at his assailant's right eye, and Joshua scowled at him as his free hand attempted to pry the other boy's hand away from him.

"If I liked it, I would be begging, not resisting. Go away."

The desperation in his voice was a mix of things, but above all was the fear that his powers would break out and destroy everything around him. Lately, he'd been more concerned about that. He drew his left hand back again, ready for another strike.

It stung, sure, but it was nothing major. Max laughed aloud and surprisingly, he pulled his hand away at Joshua's urging. Instead, he leaned forward and nuzzled the boy's slender neck, pressing their hips together with his own weight.

"For being the devil and horror of everyone's worst nightmares, you're kind of a sexy little thing, you know that? It's sick. Like you're just asking for it." He nipped at Joshua's neck and was oblivious to the other boy coming down the hallway.

Neku was just trying to get away from the girl with sad hazel eyes and too many questions. When he noticed one of the guys who had been giving him shit earlier, he slowed a bit, eyes narrowed.

"I'm sorry," Joshua said coolly, drawing his hand back further. "Perhaps you misunderstood my "question," then."

His index and middle finger met, and he curled in his other fingers, keeping them safely tucked against his palm.

"Get. Lost."

His hand shot out, his fingers finding the boys eye and digging into the socket violently. The feeling around his fingertips was absolutely repulsive, and his eyes glinted with disgust, but he didn't withdraw his hand. No one touched him without repercussions, and he didn't need his powers to fight...even if it was considered fighting dirty.

Neku and the boy named Taro were already glaring at each other, circling like dogs about to fight when the air was split by a howl of pain.

"My eye! You little faggot piece of shit!" The red-head turned on his heel to look at the other man who had gone undetected. He was stumbling from what seemed to be a very questionable position with another boy- one with silver hair and wide, violet eyes, to be exact.

But before Neku could react, he found himself slammed into the opposite wall by the guy who had been left on watch, a hand around his throat, pinning him against the whiteness.

"You're the little bastard's girlfriend, right? He just fucked up my friend. Now I'm going to-" Taro didn't have a chance to finish. Neku snarled and headbutted him in the mouth. He felt his own flesh suffer for it, but he knew that the taller boy was missing teeth.

Neku shoved him away while he recoiled and moved across the hall to kick down the boy who's eye was hanging from its socket.

Bleeding wasn't Neku's priority. He reached Joshua, eyes wide and worried, a hand outstretched.

"Josh...?"

Joshua cried out from a particularly nasty shock due to Neku's sudden close proximity, but didn't hesitate in walking towards him anyway, glancing back at the boy who would likely never see from that eye again.

At the sight of the other boy, Joshua sneered. It was an act, and he knew Neku knew that, knew that Neku saw the true pain and fear in his eyes. This other boy didn't, and Joshua grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him close again.

"Taro, was it?" He hoped that would make the boy resist squirming. Neither of them had said his name aloud within Joshua's range of hearing. "Listen very carefully. What I just did to your friend was something I did with my bare hands, on an off day. Hear me? If you want to try back on a day where my powers are at full blast, or, say, I see fit to remove something other than an eye..."

He pulled back and giggled darkly, eyes flashing. "Then be my guest. But for now?" He gripped Taro's hand and endured the agony that it caused him to mirror his hands appearance. The blood and gore left on his fingers and beneath his nails left, replacing Joshua's hand with Taro's. "Take him, and go."

And he stepped back towards Neku, his eyes still glinting and his smirk perfectly hiding his urge to break down into tears.

Neku watched this, his eyes solemn. It was like watching rightful judgment passed on deserving criminals, and that concept in itself was a little terrifying. He didn't mind having a healthy fear for what Joshua was capable of. It was part of why he liked him. He simply stood with his arms crossed as Joshua's back-up, and watched the boys scurry away. Probably to find a medic and tell them what the monster and his helper had done to them.

Neku himself probably should have had his bloodieed forehead looked at or stitched up, but there was no way he was going to go to the Staff willingly.

"What the fuck was that? I should have kicked their asses. No. I should have killed them." He snarled.

"I don't know what it was," Joshua said quietly. "It wasn't normal. They didn't outright attack me, didn't hurt me. But I was scared." His eyes flicked to Neku, inquiringly. "I felt...sick. I still do. But they'll think Taro attacked his friend. I don't attack people physically. I just...Erase them. Taro's got the evidence on his fingers, and they'll take that over their word any day."

He pressed a palm to the wall and exhaled shakily, his body trembling again. It was after a moment of silence that he turned to Neku, all that pain in his eyes softened by the small smile on his lips.

"Good to see you again."

There were no words to express how good it was. Neku turned to look at Joshua and rubbed at his face. He wasn't entirely sure what had happened, but he could guess. Joshua's flushed cheeks and the way his body was moving... Well, Neku couldn't tell if it made him sick or made him horny. And he didn't want to think about either of them. And then:

_"Big news, boys."_

Joshua was as good as a trigger. Whenever he saw him, something happened. Suddenly, Sanae's voice was back. Neku wasn't sure if it was good or bad.

_"Take him to your room, Phones. It's quiet there."_

His expression was blank while this exchange occurred.

"Guess who's back?" Neku asked, sounding exasperated. His gaze was pointed, and he reached out to gently take the frightened (albeit cocky) god child by the hand before he started walking.


	6. The Gift

**The Gift From the Angels**

Despite his internal protests telling him to meet Neku separately, have him give Joshua directions so they could each go to his room without being seen together, Joshua allowed Neku to escort him to his room. It hit him hard that this would be the first time he'd ever seen anyone's room but his own. While the thought was terrifying, Neku's presence was what brought Joshua the utmost comfort, and he followed without further hesitation.

He was trembling, his body spasming with hunger and shock and the residual emotions left by the boys who had assaulted him. He didn't know what Max had tried, but it terrified him, and all the more terrifying was how he had let it continue. Perhaps having grown so close to Neku had left him craving human touch instead of rejecting it? No, not possible. He still winced away from anyone who got too close, Subjects or Staff, it didn't matter. Even Neku couldn't get too close. No, he was just too used to being beaten harder for struggling, and his powers were repressed. Resisting would have been a bad idea.

And he almost wished there had been pain so he knew why it would have been a bad idea. Joshua wanted to ask Neku what it was that had happened, but he was nervous. What if he _had_ been asking for it?

The sick thing was, though he had fought Max and his advances, the ass had been right. Whatever had happened had been oddly pleasant in some respects, and Joshua had liked it. Luckily, he'd hated it more, but the fact that he was growing so weak disgusted him just as much as Max's touch had.

Silent, pondering, shaking, Joshua followed Neku.

Neku was almost laughing. He was simply doing what the voices in his head told him to do again, but that was enough reason in and of itself. Despite having been giving unfavorable advice lately, Sanae was rarely if ever wrong in it.

When the red-head pushed the door open onto his small room, he looked around, as though expecting to be jumped. He tugged Joshua inside and sat down on the edge of his bed as the door fell shut. Neku frowned and looked down, awaiting more from Sanae.

_"That's it. You two just chill for a bit."_

"Ugh. He says to wait for a bit."

Joshua sat beside Neku uneasily, looking around. He wasn't exactly sure where to cast his gaze. If Sanae asked Neku to kill him again...there would be no fighting him off. Not at the moment.

His thoughts raced, and he drew his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them nervously. He wasn't sure what to do or say, and he avoided Neku's gaze, his collar burning around his throat.

He waited for a long while and watched Joshua from the corner of his eye. Neku leaned over just slightly and nudged his friend with his shoulder.

"Hey... You okay? What happened...?" The red-head asked slowly.

He was quite sure that it wasn't okay, but that didn't stop him from asking- or hoping. Sanae was silent for the moment, but Neku could feel the Voice stirring, as though preparing for something.

"I can't be the only one worried about Sanae's next "words," Neku."

Joshua's words were bitter, and there was a tone of discomfort to them. It was clear enough that Sanae's words didn't concern him in the slightest. It was his influence over Neku, and the actions he forced upon him, that troubled him.

He lifted a hand suddenly to bite down on his knuckle, a stifled sound leaving his lips. His free hand gripped the collar and tugged in vain.

"Holy shit, Joshua... What are they doing to you?" The red-head breathed and turned towards him.

With shaking hands, Neku reached out slowly and smoothed Joshua's hair back. It was the fragment of a shard of a memory; The comfort of a mother to a feverish child. He didn't know anything else, and Neku felt like he probably wasn't very good at it.

"I'm sorry. I don't know when he's going to- I don't think he can make me hurt you." Neku started. He'd been able to fight him off last time.

_"Sorry Phones, but it could be our only option. Josh can only hold out for so long." _Neku showed no sign of Sanae piping up. _"Hopefully, that's all about to change. Trust me. I don't wanna hurt J anymore than you do."_

"He can if he tries," Joshua whispered. At Neku's gentle touch, he lowered both hands into his lap. There was no pain or discomfort from Neku's kind gesture, and he did not cringe from the touch. "And you're the only one that makes me care."

Death was an easy option, but Joshua remembered nothing of why he was meant to live.

"If even my reliable source on the outside thinks me so disposable, perhaps killing me might halt the Program in its tracks. It's not...like I can remember why I should live anyway. I have no one to get back to."

He did not answer Neku's first question.

"You don't know that." Neku said, his gaze dark. His thumbs brushed his friend's cheek bones, and his eyes were worried. "I won't kill you. I can't do it."

He shook his head and just kept running his fingers through sliver locks, wishing that he could bring some form of comfort.

Sanae had paused again, and Neku had the distinct feeling that he was talking with someone else- someone that Neku couldn't sense or hear.

"Dying wouldn't do anything. It would serve no one."

Joshua cringed from Neku's fingers - Max had touched him in the same place - but leaned into the touch to his hair, far too fond of it for his own good.

"My power is mine alone. I don't...think anyone can just extract it from me. But they can try, and the snap-back is terrible." He hung his head, his eyes troubled. "They lead me to kill so many people. I can feel them. I can feel the life leaving them, hear their last thoughts. And it feels like part of me is dying, when one of them dies."

He looked at Neku blankly, his eyes now betraying nothing.

"What if I'm subconsciously the cause of it all?"

"No." Neku said adamantly, and when Joshua cringed, he moved his hands away from his face, back into his hair.

"This is because of them. It's not your fault. I know it's not." Joshua couldn't be causing this. That was absurd. Joshua was sad and beautiful and he hated the atrocities being caused by this place.

_"Huh... S'that right, J? I coulda had you killed for no good reason..." _Neku pushed against Sanae's voice.

_"Okay. Now cut to it, and don't try to make me hurt him again. What the hell is going on, Mr. H?" _And Neku wasn't sure where that name came from; it was definitely not the one that had been given to him, and he wondered if it was just some strange lapse.

Without asking permission, Neku quietly opened up the space between their minds and let Sanae's Voice flow between them as he comforted Joshua.

_"I didn't think I could pull it off, but I got onna my guys on the Staff. S'probably not a good idea to tell you who. But at this rate... I think you'll see the light a' day soon enough. And uh... I'm sorry 'bout all of this J. Really." _It hurt, but it wasn't unbearable. Neku's collar's restrictions were more harsh than they had been in the past, but he was getting used to it.

There was no mental response from Joshua. The moment he tried, the collar sent an excruciating shock tearing through him. His body tensed and spasmed violently, and he sank his teeth into his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. His fingers tightened in the blankets until his skin was pure white.

"A-ask him what he means," he said quietly, his voice betraying none of the pain that was so evident on his features. His tone was too low to be heard by any of the Staff, should they have been listening.

He took Neku's hand, focusing all of his energies into absorbing that pain.

Neku couldn't react when Joshua spasmed and then spoke. His own mind was wracked with pain until Joshua twined his fingers with his own. The red-head suppressed a whine.

_"When? There's going to be an attempt, right?" _Neku asked in his mind, and his head drooped onto Joshua's shoulder in relief. They could fight the restraints if they worked together.

_"Soon. We'll get you out of there soon, kids. Damn. I never though' I'd see the day, either. Just sit tight, a while, 'kay? Wait for my signal."_

Neku sucked in a breath and looked up at Joshua, his eyes hopeful. He tightened his grip on his friend's hand.

_"What about the others? The kids?"_

Joshua was rigid, Neku's closeness confusing and discomforting at the same time that it brought him immeasurable security. The pain was unbearable, to the point where he was too exhausted to even tremble. His collar reacted to how he tried to draw Neku's pain from him, and the result was far beyond anything he'd known outside of a procedure. His grip on Neku's hand tightened painfully, a purely involuntary reaction.

"Why am I here? What do I have to do?" He met Neku's eyes, reading emotion and betraying his own to Sanae.

_"Chill out, J. You've got to get outta there first. Then we can organize our forces. You've got them, you know. People, I mean."_

Neku took a deep breath, wishing he could balance all of this out. He could handle pain, too. He wasn't afraid of it.

"Don't torture yourself. Let me help." Neku said quietly, and moved his thumb over his friend's whitened knuckles.

_"Sanae, what do you mean, people?" _Neku asked.

_"I mean an army. Or at least uh... A staff. You got workers. And once your outta there, we can get 'em rounded up and focused on the main plan: Taking those guys out."_

Neku was trembling. He took another ragged breath and leaned against Joshua just to keep himself grounded. He felt like he was losing himself in the other two consciousnesses that he was serving as the conduit for.

_"No. I've got it. Sanae, how long?"_

Joshua's gaze flicked to Neku uncertainly. He had no strength to give him, but he wished he did. Instead, all he could do was drain away the pain that would have otherwise wracked his friend's body.

Max and Taro's attack still rang in his mind, as did the most recent procedures. The details of the experiments, at least, were sharp and clear, lacking the confusion that made his mind so foggy regarding the attack. The open link between the three betrayed all of it, the procedures, the experiments that Joshua referred to as "briefings" just so Neku wouldn't worry.

That time had passed, and now it was laid bare. Every man and woman that had been Erased flashed in Joshua's mind, and every moment of the writhing, shrieking pain, the flashing white lights, the burning claws that ripped his mind and body to shreds while trying to toy with his powers... It was all so clear. The prospect of escape was his only source of hope, save for Neku himself.

The red-head's expression went blank as Joshua's mind and memories merged into his own. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but almost pleasantly numbing at the same time. In his mind, he was afraid, but his body was unable to react.

_"Sorry boss. I can't tell you for sure. You know... I was never too good at operating on a mortal clock." _It was unclear whether or not the Voice was joking.

Shivering, Neku fought to regain control, and he squeezed Joshua's hand as his own mind fought to regain its identity.

_"No more. Don't let him suffer anymore." _Neku's voice in his head didn't even sound like his own. Not to himself anyway. The red-head huffed. _"Hurry."_

"Neither am I," Joshua sighed, a light smirk taking his features over. "But at least I wake up on a bed in the mornings, here...instead of in the crossing."

He giggled quietly, his eyes flickering with an old memory.

"I don't think I was ever good at operating on a mortal anything, Sanae... There's so much Noise around this place. It's stifling."

He raised a trembling hand to brush Neku's bangs from his eyes. Sapphire and violet met, and Joshua licked the blood from his lip nervously.

"Help him, Sanae. I know you can. He's not...like me."

"What are you-" What did he mean?

Neku's eyes were wide when he looked down, unable to meet his gaze. He wondered how Sanae could help him, and how? Beyond getting the hell out of this place, what help did he really need?

The red-head managed to bring his gaze back to the violet one that watched him. Neku's gaze was apologetic, frightened, gentle, and he reached up to brush his knuckles against the god child's chin. How could Joshua stop to be concerned about him at a time like this?

_"I got it, Boss. We'll see you soon J. Neku will just have to listen for my signal. When it happens, I'll make sure he finds you, and then you've got to take off as fast as you can run. Just like when you tried last time. His mind will be the map." _Sanae spoke slowly into their minds.

"Alright. I trust you. Both of you. Sanae..."

Joshua's lips moved slowly as he spoke, his eyes never once leaving Neku's. He exhaled quietly. His collar burned as a dark reminder of their predicament, but he ignored the pain.

Neku was something he hadn't seen in too long. He sensed that it had been much longer than his time spent here since he'd seen anything like Neku.

"Thank you."

Assuming that Sanae was finished- and almost not caring if he wasn't, Neku let go of the connection with a whine. Feeling his aura snap back on itself was a different kind of pain. He wrapped his arms around Joshua's middle, holding on but not too tightly. Neku felt like he'd shiver and shake himself apart if he didn't.

Part of him was afraid, but he was also grateful- and excited. They were going to get out of this place. He had believed it from the beginning, and there was no turning back. Neku was ready to escape or die trying this time. He couldn't stand the pain and watching Joshua suffer anymore. Now that he had seen the horrors that he'd been put through...

The red-head buried his eyes against Joshua's shoulder, making a stubborn noise in the back of his throat. He had been more affected by all of this than he wanted to admit.

Confused, Joshua wove his fingers into the copper locks that brushed his wrists. He didn't know how to bring comfort, so he stroked Neku's hair in the same way Neku had caressed his. Neku's touch was wanted, and that was odd to Joshua. Slender fingers found Neku's cheek and brushed it gently.

"Neku...you okay?"

No. But maybe, just maybe, they would be. Joshua was confused, still shaken from the assault that had occurred not even an hour before. Still, he felt safe now, and that was okay.

He took a deep breath and nodded shakily. Being near Joshua was almost painful sometimes, as though his mere presence could make his collar threaten a shock. This was one of those times, but Neku didn't care. There was an endless amount of comfort in Joshua's actions. They almost made him burst into tears.

"Y-yeah. Just... Overwhelmed." That was a good word for it. He took several more deep breaths and let his grip drop a little bit. He leaned against Joshua, and nuzzled the fingers that had touched his face.

"Thank you." And just to keep his mind on something other than how much he liked this: "Josh... What happened earlier? Can you talk about it?"

Joshua had been startled by the gentle nuzzle at his fingers, and stroked Neku's cheek with a cautious thumb, well aware of the comfort the boy felt. He could see it, feel it in the aura that enveloped him.

The feeling of peace faded immediately, and Joshua wished that Neku hadn't spoken.

"...I don't know. The alcove I was in was...a blind spot. No Staff watching. They found me."

"Sorry..." He murmured. Neku had just passed that place, not but a few moments before. The girl in the hallway had both delayed him and alerted him to Joshua's presence. "I should have looked for you sooner."

He let a quiet sigh escape his lips, and Neku felt at rest for once. He could tell easily that Joshua didn't, however, and hated that. Neku wanted to ease his sorrows and didn't now how- couldn't know that he was part of the reason for them.

"Josh... You don't have to tell me. They didn't beat you so..." He shivered at the thought. "Sick bastards..."

"It makes no sense," Joshua huffed, frustration evident in his voice. "If they wanted to hurt me, they should have just done it. But...he didn't. He just..."

He fell silent, glancing at Neku again. Something about it all just felt...wrong.

"...Is it okay? To talk about, I mean?"

Neku nodded and bumped his nose against Joshua's shoulder- almost a nuzzle.

"Yeah. Of course. I won't do anything to make you feel bad. Promise."

He wasn't one for morals or personal boundaries. Neku could be laid back about things that most people would blush about, and maybe it was because he wasn't used to human interaction at all, let alone dealing with what was socially acceptable and what wasn't. He ran his fingers through silver curls once, his glance reassuring. Neku wasn't sure what he'd be getting himself into with this conversation, but for Joshua's sake... He'd do it.

"There was no pain, save for the pressure he used to keep me against the wall. He touched me. Ran a hand over my cheek, rubbed his nose against my neck, and bit me. Not hard enough to hurt, but..."

Joshua bit his lip again, running his tongue over the cut carefully.

"It felt...invasive. I can't remember anything about any of this. Even if I had my memories, I'm sure that there's nothing like this I've ever experienced before. I'd have taken pain over it, and death over what he did next...but I haven't got a clue what exactly was happening."

Anger. It was building from the moment the second sentence left Joshua's mouth. The hand that rested in his lap tightened into a fist until his knuckles started to go pale.

"Those fucking bastards. I should have killed them while I had the chance." He hissed through gritted teeth. And beyond that, Neku was hating himself for not being able to prevent it from happening.

"I'm sorry."

Joshua shut his mouth, his teeth clicking quietly. Ah. Perhaps he'd grown too used to talking to Neku. He'd said too much, and now he wasn't sure if he should continue.

He glanced at Neku's hand, then looked away, silent. His grip on Neku grew weak, and his hands stopped moving.

Max had said he was asking for it. What if he was? And what if Neku had been in danger as a result?

The cut on his forehead hiding under his bangs still hurt. There was blood on his sleeves from trying to stop the bleeding. Neku frowned, frustrated and wondering if he had done something wrong.

"Josh... Are you okay? Nobody should ever do something like that to someone else... It's..." He shook his head, eyes sad and worried.

"Fuck... Those assholes..." He murmured. Something about somebody- especially sleaze balls like that- touching Joshua made Neku's stomach churn.

"I... Won't touch you if you don't want me to. Sorry..." Despite the warmth and contentment it had brought him, Neku gently withdrew until he was sitting apart from Joshua. People who went through things like that often had issues with others touching them, and Neku didn't want to make it any worse. His hands folded in his lap, and he stared down at them, his expression sad.

That hurt worse. The comfort was gone, and Joshua felt that painful twist in his stomach that he knew meant he was lonely. He drew his legs to his chest again, curling up and hugging them close. What had he done wrong?

What was different about the touches of someone like Max from someone like Neku? It was bizarre, to Joshua, to think of such things. Neku had touched his cheek in the same way, and there had been no shame, no discomfort, as there had been with Max.

Joshua allowed it with Neku simply because he trusted him. Was that the difference, and all there was? Almost timidly, Joshua raised his head to look at Neku from above his knees and beneath his lashes. What had Neku done wrong?

...What had Joshua done wrong?

Very subtly, he shook his head from side to side. It wasn't Neku's fault. None of it was. Joshua extended a hand to press his fingertips against the boy's forehead, and white-blue light flashed between them. When Joshua flinched away from the pain in his collar, Neku's injury had healed. Joshua withdrew quickly.

Watching Joshua was almost painful. Neku mirrored that in his gaze, even though he didn't want to. And when he reached out and touched him, his hands shot up to feel at the suddenly unmarred skin there.

"You..." He gasped. "I didn't know you could... Do that." And it hurt him, quite obviously. Neku reached up and caught the slender fingers before the other boy could pull them away entirely. Wide sapphires met violet and locked on. He didn't look away.

"Is it... Okay? For me to touch you, I mean." It was eating at him. He figured that the best thing to do would be to simply ask permission.

Joshua shivered when Neku grabbed his hand, and his eyes went wide. He was curious, but a bit frightened. Now what?

But he nodded at Neku's question. Yes. For Neku, touching Joshua was just fine. Neku had never once hurt him, at least, not by his own will. The only time he'd ever caused him any fear or pain was when Sanae had spurred Neku on to kill him, and something deep in Joshua's mind knew that was entirely Sanae's fault, and not Neku's.

He looked at his hand, still confused by what else Max had done and said, and frustrated with his own confusion.

"Uh... Good." He murmured, and dropped his hand so that it was simply lightly covering the other boy's fingers.

If Joshua was this confused... Of course it made sense. He wouldn't know anything about sex or about the outside world, and the other Subjects probably never even considered something like that being the case. Neku wondered if he'd ever even looked at his body, or touched himself or-

He had to work hard to drag his eyes away from Joshua's body, his thin wrists and delicate looking fingers. What was with him, anyway? Neku felt heat in his cheeks at his new realization, but didn't move away from his friend this time.

"It's uh... Huh. I guess neither of us know much about how human relationships really work... Regardless. I'm glad I came by when I did. If he had done... anything more, I never would have forgiven myself. You don't deserve that. Especially if it's not wanted. I mean- sex isn't bad, just if it's not wanted. Sex can be awesome- I mean-" Neku groaned at his inability to form coherent sentences and flushed a deeper pink.

Yeah, it was impossible for him to keep quiet.

"Neku. Your face is priceless."

Sex, huh? Joshua knew very little. He wasn't allowed to read anything other than the history and biology books around the place. Other Subjects had access to books, magazines, newspapers, and even television, depending on their Project ranking. Joshua, however, was not allowed access to them. Sex, to him, was a foreign concept. He knew he was homosexual, and he knew sex was strictly for those who intended to breed.

To him, that only meant that he found boys pretty, so he'd never breed with a woman. It was ridiculous.

His confusion shone in his eyes, mingled with his amusement.

"Sorry. I'm not usually embarrassed about it. It's just... You. I trust you and everything, but I feel like it's almost too sacred to talk about or something. Tch. The greedy bastard. You deserve better than him." He ran a hand back through his hair. Neku's face was partly amused, partly mortified and embarrassed.

"It's not that surprising. Anybody in their right mind would want you. Out in the real world I mean. You're... Uh... Well. You're attractive." He managed.

It was pointless to lie about, and Neku hated dancing around things. It just wasn't his style. What could it hurt at this point? Joshua was beautiful in an almost feminine manner. He was graceful and smart and gentle beneath it all. There was a lot to like. Neku didn't know what to do with these factors: He'd never considered himself compatible with people, let alone with a _person_.

"My face priceless? Not quite." He actually smiled a bit.

"Attractive?"

It was the first word Joshua had thought of when trying to come up with a word to describe Neku's appearance. He looked up, tilting his head.

"He called me sexy. He did more. Said more. But...I don't want to elaborate, even though you're my only source of information on the matter. ...I don't want you to look at me that way again."

He looked away, frustrated. He hadn't been asking for anything.

"What way? I'm... I didn't mean to." Now Neku was backpedaling, trying to figure out what he did wrong. "It's just... It makes me angry. If anybody ever touches you like that, you of all people deserve for it to be good." He said, expression almost sorrowful.

"Sexy? Yeah. You could be called that, I guess." The red-head started. There were so many questions here, so many things to say...

"...How did I look at you, Josh? I'm sorry." Neku squeezed his friend's hand.

"You keep saying "like that," Neku. I don't understand."

It was almost a snarl. It was getting beyond frustrating. Couldn't Neku see by now that Joshua was utterly in the dark here? Was he really that dense?

Then his eyes softened, and he looked down apologetically. He hadn't meant to snap, but the repeated apologies and the vague sentiments Neku provided were maddening.

"Like that..." Neku took a deep breath to avoid getting frustrated. "I don't know. Fucking perverts. I don't like the thought of anybody else touching you." Neku's mouth snapped shut so fast that his teeth clicked together. Oh. Shit. Sure, the sentiment was honest, but there was way too many implications behind it.

"When I say it, I mean... Look. From what you're implying, he probably..." A pause. Neku was having to keep himself in check, trying to make sense without sounding vulgar. "Sounds like he groped you. Which is a nasty, cruel thing to do to somebody. You should only touch your lover- somebody you trust- like that. And to think that he tried to force you into... any sort of sexual act- at all. Makes me want to murder him. And his friend for good measure."

Finally, he managed to force his myriad of twisted thoughts. Forced them into words. He watched Joshua's face carefully.

"Don't phrase things like that, Neku. I take things literally. I trust you, and it doesn't mean I'll be touching you any time soon."

As he said it, Joshua thrust his hand between Neku's legs, moving like a cat until he was hovering over Neku on his hands and knees, his fingertips centimeters from Neku's crotch. Joshua's smirk was playful, but his eyes were serious.

"Yes. He touched me there. Beneath the clothes, as he stroked me and bit my neck and purred dirty comments into my ear." He moved closer, until his nose was practically touching Neku's.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"A bad thing?" Neku squeaked, and fought the mixed urge to back away, or to wrap his arms around Joshua and pull him closer. What was this? He hadn't even thought the other boy to be capable of something like this. And fuck if it didn't make him shiver; make him blush and his lashes flutter over high cheekbones.

"Tch. It was a bad thing for him." He murmured against Joshua's lips. "Fuck that bastard... I should find him and castrate him." Hearing it from the god child's lips made his blood boil, and Neku reached up, his fingertips tight in the hem of Joshua's shirt.

That resistance from Neku kept Joshua from pulling back as planned. He bowed his head a bit, lowering his lashes in a display of mostly-false modesty.

"He said I was asking for it. The way he spoke... He told me I was asking for it. Told me I liked it."

He broke the line of their gaze, looking away. He had liked it. But he'd also hated it. He wondered then, if it was Neku, would he have struggled to get away?

Joshua. Joshua was hovering above him and now Neku's own fingers had him trapped by the clothing, and his uncertainty and something like wonder glinted in his eyes.

"You're beautiful. Doesn't give anybody the right to take whatever they want from you. Beautiful art deserves respect. It should be treated properly." Neku responded slowly, and a memory chewed at the back of his mind: bright colors and a long wall covered in paint. It made his heart flutter with warmth and Neku's entire body actually shivered.

The red-head couldn't stop the blush on his cheeks, and he watched Joshua's face without meeting his averted gaze.

"It?"

He was talking like Joshua wasn't human, and it made him nervous. He wasn't sure why, but at that point, his face burned and his heart twisted painfully in his stomach. The reaction made his collar react in turn. The shock made him pull back and get to his feet.

Treated properly? What was "properly," anyway? Neku didn't deny that Max was right. Like a pervert in his own right, Joshua had almost enjoyed the touches that were so wrong, just as Max had said he would.

Had he deserved it?

He moved towards the door, his eyes blank and stunned.

Neku was actually smiling as he spoke, enjoying the close proximity and the softness between them. And then Joshua's expression changed, and it was pained as he pulled back, suddenly walking away.

The sound that tore from the red-head's throat was a miserable whimper. He hadn't meant anything bad by it- Why was he so useless with people? Why couldn't he just make Joshua happy? His fingers tightened on the sheets, sapphire eyes wide, confused, and hurt.

"Josh- I-!" He breathed, and hated the desperation in his voice.

Joshua glanced back at Neku with a quiet sigh.

"They'll be looking for me soon, especially after what happened with Taro. I can't stay. Neither of us can afford to be caught together. Not now. If they nail you for questioning, tell them you saw Taro and Max beating each other up. You're uninjured now. They're the ones with physical evidence of a fight."

Then he smiled, a soft turn of the lips.

"When do you want to meet up again?"

Confused but placated, Neku tried to catch his breath.

"Whenever. As soon as we can-" It was really a foolish thing to say. Selfish in every regard. Blushing, Neku looked away and then back again.

"I'll find you somehow, when- if- the time comes." He nodded.

And Neku didn't want Joshua to go. The thought was almost painful after so long tortured and alone. He tried not to let it show on his face but wasn't doing a good job of it.

"Soon, then. That alcove, perhaps, on Saturday night? I've begun to have regularly-scheduled procedures. If I'm conscious, they usually let me out. Meet me there?"

Joshua's smile remained, but his eyes were sad. He didn't want to leave.

"I'll be there." Even if Joshua didn't or couldn't come, Neku would wait.

His expression was pained, torn: Miserable. He stood up, wanting too much but understanding the wise thing to do as well. He crossed the room and stood before Joshua, his hands hovering in midair. There was indecision on his face, and worry too: In the back of his mind, he knew that this could only go on for so long before the pieces of the truth fell into place. These were scientists they were dealing with: Not idiots. Soon. That's what his mind told him.

Neku hugged Joshua. It was almost tentative, bashful- nervous. But he did it and hoped that he wouldn't be offended or frightened by it.

Joshua was confused by the gentle gesture, more than anything, but what else was new? He didn't flinch away, but merely hesitated with slightly wide eyes. He returned the gesture cautiously.

"Neku..."

He didn't know what a hug was, but he hugged Neku. He buried his eyes in the taller boy's shoulder and shuddered, shaking off the last of his pain and fear and doubt, for now.

They'd be okay soon. They just had to last, and with Neku by his side, it was looking all the more possible.


	7. The Procedure

**The Procedure**

Neku was early. He didn't care if he had to wait for hours, in fact, he'd rather do that then try to satiate his boredom elsewhere. The red-head was waiting for Joshua, arms crossed as he rested against the wall of the alcove. In all honesty, thinking about what had happened the last time they'd been here frustrated the boy. He'd spent his time deep in thought.

Joshua really had never been touched like that? Neku couldn't remember it, but he had a feeling that he had been. He understood his urges to some extent at least. Did that mean he'd never felt that kind of pleasure or the release that came with it? Did Joshua even have those urges? Neku was almost worried that he didn't. If he didn't then...

He shook those thoughts off intently, almost wishing that Sanae would intrude on his thoughts if only it would mean he'd have someone to talk to.

And the hours passed, memories and questions melting into the way his mind wandered the city. Even though it made his collar twinge, Neku wouldn't stop doing it; wouldn't stop going out onto the streets in that spectral form.

Joshua was late, but Neku waited.

Joshua was late because he didn't know what time it was. For the past three days, he'd been locked in a single room, blindfolded. A high-frequency pitch noise was ringing in his ears, as it had been doing randomly. There'd be an hour of silence, a half hour of the whistling sound, a few minutes of silence, a few hours of the screech... The fact he couldn't see and that his limbs were bound to the wall, his head dangling and his hair tied back messily to make room for the cool metal plates at the sides of his head...well, all that didn't help.

He'd lost track of time. The only sound he heard was the pitch and the occasional crackle of the machines around him as they sent spikes of electricity through him. He saw nothing but white flashes, and his mouth was dry from heavy breathing and lack of water.

His breaths came out now, heavy and forced. It gave him something to focus on. They'd been relentless these past few days, and he was terrified. His blindfold was itchy and damp with tears. His throat burned with the remnants of his screams. There was no control. He couldn't hear the music, couldn't see anything at all.

He was losing it, and he feared he'd already done something regrettable. And he had.

It was why the four Staff members who came down the hall approached Neku and cornered him. Three were men, large and muscular and strong. The fourth was a pretty young woman, and her eyes were soft and sad.

"Neku. Come with us, please."

"What? Why? I'm meeting someone. Can't you find somebody else?" The redhead's eyes were pleading and frustrated. The Subjects were usually allowed some semblance of freedom with their spare time, and this was a bit strange. He knew better than to get physical with these people right away.

Neku's eyes darted from person to person, and the woman's expression alone was enough to make him feel sick to his stomach.

"...Please?" But he wasn't putting up a fight, even as the men moved to grab his arms and begin to lead him off.

"We know you're here to meet Project Yeshua. He told us. I hate to say it, sweetheart..." And she honestly sounded upset as her mournful gaze swept back over Neku. "You're involved. We won't hurt you. You just need to...participate. As a witness. They think it'll result in a breakthrough."

She led the men to the room where Joshua was, though it was a long walk. Meanwhile, within the room, Joshua himself dangled helplessly. He couldn't even hear the music, let alone find his powers within the writhing, screaming torment. He could hardly thrash against the sporadically-timed shocks anymore. He was too weak. He knew nothing past the pain, the darkness, and the piercing static.

Yeshua. Joshua. So, they'd finally caught on. This made Neku go rigid, and he was cooperative, but there was a great more resistance to his movements.

"Participate in what? I don't give a shit what you do to me." He snarled. They should be used to that if they had any knowledge of the work that had been done on him lately. As soon as experiments and breakthroughs came up, he was on the defensive. And when they closed in on the door, Neku was thrashing against them.

He didn't care what it was, but he'd be damned if he'd go through with anything willingly. And then he saw it; The strange, metallic apparatus on the wall that contained the frail body of his friend.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?" He shouted. That was the last straw: He was kicking and screaming, biting and thrashing at every inch of every person he could reach.

Joshua tensed, not wanting his ears to have been deceived, and yet desiring that to be the case more than anything. He tried to speak Neku's name, but wasn't sure if he'd managed to. The high-pitched noise rang out again, but stopped five seconds later. It continued to echo in Joshua's mind, and he shifted against his bindings uneasily.

The woman sighed, stepping forward so that the three men could restrain Neku without anyone getting hurt in the crossfire. The Staff grunted at the clamping teeth and thrashing legs, but were more or less successful keeping Neku still.

"We're not planning to do anything to you, sweetie. Like I said, you're just...an unfortunate victim, here. Used to this boy's advantage. A servant to his wit and his beauty and his power." She looked to Joshua again, and now he really was frozen, holding his breath as though afraid to make the slightest sound. The woman continued.

"You were used, dear. Everything that's happened these past few months, you "befriending" him and sharing your plans of escape... All part of his plan. A being like him cared little for you as a friend, but as a tool? Very useful, and he knew it. He also, kindly enough, made sure that we knew, too."

Any other Subject would have been hurt and heartbroken, because it would be easy for something such as this to be true. But Neku had the outside force. The Voice of Sanae. Mr. H- and he knew that he needed to trust Joshua.

"Fuck you! You're full of shit. I know more about him than you do, assholes!" And Neku was sure that he was pulling muscles, straining until he hurt himself. But he didn't care.

"He's a human being, you bastards! Stop it, you're hurting him!" Neku roared, and made an attempt at headbutting the guy to his left.

He honestly wished they'd hurt him. That he could stand. This however, was unbearable. Eyes full of tears couldn't look at Joshua; not like this.

Joshua could barely register what was going on around him. He kept his eyes closed even as the woman approached him and took off the blindfold, and violently flinched away from the shifting fabric.

"Neku, sweetheart, we're upping the power levels on your collar. It won't shock unless you act out, but any exercise of non-passive powers will almost certainly leave one writhing. We can show you a small sample, if you'd like."

A man by the machine flipped a switch. Neku's collar made a soft click, but it didn't shock him. Instead, Joshua spasmed suddenly and cried out, his voice utterly raw and broken. When the short fit stopped and he hung loose in his bindings, he forced his eyes half open. The light blinded him, but those dead eyes found Neku and he tried to smile at him, tried to tell him it was okay.

"We have reason to believe that one of you will talk upon seeing the other in pain. We can guess that you won't be able to stand seeing the god-child writhe, but we know that he turns a blind eye to physical pain. Seeing you in mental anguish, however, might crack him. We'll be here until sun-up. You'll be sent back to your regular schedule, no punishment, if nothing happens. You'll be excused from any briefings or meetings you have tomorrow. Is this all clear, Neku?"

The high-frequency noise sounded again, but the man at the controls cut it short in time for Joshua to stop himself from cringing. He stared at Neku helplessly, his eyes saying only one thing clearly.

_I'm sorry._

Amethyst eyes clouded with pain met his own, and Neku barely registered the click that meant his own collar had been adjusted. In fact, he didn't give a shit. Neku could feel his own Soul burning brightly around him, pushing out in a way that it never had before.

"I've got nothing to say to you. You're fucking monsters." Neku spat at the woman's feet, his voice cracking as he spoke.

"Let him go! You idiots, I can do the same shit he can. I just refuse to show it. Don't believe me?" He snarled, eyes wild and threatening. He reached out to the depths of himself, wishing for power: any kind of power. The collar activated and stopped whatever it could have been. Neku let out a shriek of pain before falling limp in his captor's painful clutches for a few long moments.

"Stop it, stop it... Joshua! Joshua- damn it..." He felt like he was losing his mind. Joshua didn't deserve this. He didn't do anything. They talked about him like he was a monster. How ironic.

It wasn't just Neku that reacted to the collar's punishment. Joshua's eyes widened at Neku's rage, and he whimpered quietly. The woman was right. After being the first person to ever treat Joshua like something other than a demon, Neku was the one person Joshua was incapable of watching suffer.

"We were right. All we need now is time. In fact..." The woman glanced towards the man at the controls. "Can you make it so that if Neku uses his powers, the project is punished in his stead?"

A nod from the man confirmed Joshua's worst fears, and tears welled in his eyes, tears that he blinked back.

"Alright, sweetheart," the lady spoke again, looking to Neku kindly. "All you have to do is try to reason with him. Get him to tell us the source of his powers, or how to extract them, how to clone them if it's his cells that make it all up. Periodically, unless we are already getting any information we desire..."

The machine crackled again, and it was all Joshua could do to let out a strangled cry, his throat too raw to scream anymore. His fingers flexed. He had a powerful desire to reach out for Neku, but the restraints made it impossible. He coughed, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. He could feel his throat throbbing in protest to his sounds of pain; his powers had shut down, keeping his self-healing to the absolute minimum to keep him from causing more pain to himself by letting the machines react to his power.

"Fuck you. Do you think we know why we are what we are? We can't even fucking remember where we came from!" Neku sobbed miserably. His aura had snapped back on itself violently, and he tried to push away at even Sanae's quiet presence. Them finding out about that would be far too dangerous. He'd have to suffer this: No calling for help.

"I made a promise, Josh." He called out suddenly. "I'll keep it. I'm here." He was referring to their escape plans of course, trying to give his mind something- anything to hold onto.

And Neku gritted his teeth, wishing with all of his strength that he could get to him. The struggle he put up was redoubled. He bit the hand on his shoulder so hard that the knuckles bled, but refused to tap into his own power beyond that. Neku knew then that he'd fight until his body gave out. Everything already hurt, the muscles in his arms and thighs pulled; probably torn in some cases. He didn't care. He had to get to Joshua.

"I'll never do anything to fucking help you, you bastards!" And he let out a wordless scream of rage and suffering.

The power inside of Joshua boiled, redoubled, like an angry snake ready to strike and pump every bit of its fatal venom into its victim. Seeing Neku in so much pain was more than Joshua could handle, and he struggled vainly, his eyes wide and focused on his only friend.

"N-Neku...stop..."

He wanted to kill them all. Destroy them, tear them apart. In Joshua's heart was an anger he'd never known, and he felt it boiling quietly, just out of reach, barely repressed. The tears that he'd been holding back so successfully now streamed from his eyes. There was no pretending he and Neku weren't friends. Not now. It was obvious that they had been listening from Neku's room somehow, and Joshua wanted, more than anything, to let this next wave of agony kill him.

He grit his teeth against the pain and kept his gaze focused hard on Neku, not speaking anymore. He'd told them dozens of times that his power was his and his alone, that there was no way to give it or share it or clone it or take it.

When the pain faded, the woman watching them glanced at the men holding Neku.

"He can't leave and he can't do any damage. Any attempts he makes at dismantling the machine or the bindings holding the subject will backfire and knock them both out. That being said...

"Let him go."

Neku stumbled. As soon as he caught his balance, he turned and literally spat at the feet of the ones who had been holding him. Never in his life had he wanted to rip somebody limb from limb before. He found himself actually wanting to see the anguish on these people's faces as they struggled and died. It was too easy though. He turned his back on their captors and took a few steps towards Joshua. He was crying freely, and didn't care. His anger made him blind to it. The tears burned his cheeks, and after a few moments of deliberation, Neku approached his friend and wiped the thin trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth, as though that were all he could do.

"Why is this... Happening?" Sapphire eyes were wide and horrified and pained as he looked at his friend.

And then suddenly, Neku turned on his heel, facing the researchers.

"What would it take for me to make you let him go?"

"We won't let him go, sweetie. We need his powers. We need to find out what it is that makes him so strong. You don't need to know why. It's irrelevant to the subjects. The others are just to bide our time, to collect what samples we can. We'll let all of the other children go..." She nodded towards Joshua. "Once we get his powers."

Joshua stretched against his bindings again, frail body cracking against the pain it caused him. He couldn't reach Neku, and the sound that escaped his lips at that moment was one of purest misery, a weak, stifled, low sound that did little more than to cause blood to well up in his mouth. He spat it out, disgusted, and drew back.

His body trembled in the machine's hold, and, wearily, he looked at the clock. Barely midnight. They had at least five hours of this to come.

"Then you get nothing from me, you piece of shit." Neku's voice came through a nasty sneer on his face as he looked over his shoulder at the woman. He quite frankly wanted to set her on fire, but with Joshua in this state, he couldn't risk hurting him anymore. Neku saw more blood splatter on the ground as Joshua spat it out. His eyes were fiery; angry.

"You- you're killing him!" He shrieked suddenly, and Neku was suddenly gripped with a fear and panic that he had never known in his entire existence. Joshua couldn't die. He needed him. _Shibuya_ needed him.

And Neku was powerless. He wheeled back around, facing Joshua and his hands hovered in midair, useless. He wished he could do something- anything, and so he put his cool, trembling fingertips on Joshua's forehead. He pushed back his hair and let out a sob. He whispered:

"Hang on. I won't leave you alone. Fuck I'm sorry, Josh I'm sorry..."

"Call to him. Please. I don't care if it hurts, but just...try."

Violet eyes were desperate, but Joshua wore a soft smile. Weakly, he nuzzled at Neku's hands. The cool touch was welcome; he felt hot, like he'd burn to death if this kept up much longer.

"I can't keep this up, but if I die, they'll never let the kids go. They can't take my powers. If they could, I'd...give them..."

He stopped speaking, choking on another mouthful of blood that he was incapable of spitting out. He hung his head in shame, disgusted still by the blood that gushed from his lips. Some fucking god he'd turned out to be.

"S-Sanae, please..."

Trembling and terrified, Neku did the only thing that he could do. He wrapped his arms around Joshua as best as he could and didn't even flinch when he felt the warmth of blood dripping down his shoulder and his back. There was too much.

If there was pain, he'd share it.

_"God damn it, Sanae! Help me! Fuck, do you see what they're doing to him? Please, please, please. I'd rather die than see this."_ It hurt to keep the voice within himself, but he did. Opening up the connection between them caused energy to charge through the apparatus, but Neku held tight even when it burned him. He refused to make any sound.

_"Hold on. Give it just a little more time. I'm sorry kids. I'm really really sorry. These guys are gonna get busted for this. Just a few more minutes, I promise."_

That Voice was more welcome than ever in that moment. Neku almost wept with relief, and held onto Joshua tightly.

"What are you two doing?" one of the men snarled angrily. He looked to the woman. "They're communicating."

But she just shook her head.

"No. They're throwing us off. Deactivate the machine for an hour. Let them communicate. Let the project heal a little, and for god's sake, turn that white noise off."

They obeyed, and Joshua pressed his eyes against Neku's shoulder, sighing.

"Don't...panic, okay? I'll be okay."

Ignoring the sounds around them was about the only thing keeping Neku sane, but he tensed and tightened his grip when the man snapped out those angry words. Only when Joshua's soft whisper came to him did Neku relinquish it in even the slightest.

The red-head had never known what it was like to suffer for someone else's sake until that moment. His eyes met Joshua's as he pulled back, eying the smudges of red spreading between them.

"I'm trying. I'm trying but I can't-" He shook his head, worried that the fear was showing obviously and all he wanted to do was be strong for Joshua. Neku could feel that his collar wasn't constricting so much anymore, and he tried to search within himself. He wondered if he could heal wounds like Joshua could. But he couldn't find it, not with just his mind. He needed a medium.

"Soon. Remember. Soon." Neku said quietly, but not quite the whisper.

"I'm tired, Neku," Joshua said with a low chuckle, his eyes half-lidded as he looked into Neku's gaze. "I can last, but...I'm so tired."

He was also terrified and angry, but he kept those emotions quiet. It had been awhile since his last shock, in his mind. Just the minutes that had passed without the immediate agony were blessings in themselves. His mind began to register his weak points. His ankles and wrists were rubbed raw, his hair was a mess, his face was stained with tears and blood. He was hungry, hot, and thirsty.

But he wasn't lonely, and with that realization came so much comfort that he almost passed out then and there.

The red-head nodded as though he understood, and only through their connection- he did. Neku brushed his fingers over Joshua's face again, wishing that he could whisper him enough comfort to get them both through this. He ignored the staff moving around behind him and focused everything on Joshua. They didn't deserve his attention.

Deep within himself, his feelings began to change. There was a tenderness there that he hadn't understood before. It was reserved for this hurting, beautiful Joshua and no one else.

"I'm sorry... They got me while I was waiting for you."

"It's my fault. I think I cried out your name during a shock." Joshua bowed his head apologetically, and a few of the Staff Members glanced at one another.

"How long has he been here?" a young man with blond hair muttered from the control panel, and the woman looked his way and shrugged loosely.

"We got him mid-afternoon on Wednesday, so about three and a half days."

Joshua chuckled weakly, glaring at them.

"Is that all?"

In his entire life, Neku had never been so angry. But it was overwhelmed by his sorrow and the feeling of hopelessness that wracked him.

"It's not your fault. I'd rather you didn't suffer alone. Let me share it." He hated that Joshua had had to suffer so much on his own. He'd carried the burden for far too long. And now that there was no hiding that they were something to each other, there was really no point in hiding anything.

Neku pressed his lips to Joshua's cheek and continued to speak, his tone soothing and as calming as he could manage. Being close to Joshua made him feel close to that long lost concept that was home, that was the city streets that he missed and longed for.

"I'm so sorry. I'd save you if I could...I'm just not... strong enough." His words were strangled by the tears that tightened his throat.

"Shh," Joshua murmured, nuzzling the side of his face against Neku's. He was unfamiliar with the concept of kissing, but he knew what Neku had just done, and the feeling of his friend's lips lingered on his cheek. It hadn't been an unwelcome sensation. "You already have."

He couldn't speak anymore. He could feel his throat tightening too, but for different reasons. The rending, tearing pain was made worse by the sting of blood that trickled down his throat, and he was barely able to keep his gag reflex under control. Dimly, he was aware that the Staff were speaking amongst themselves, and the blond boy who had spoken was watching him strangely, nodding every now and them as if he were listening to someone who was speaking in his ear.

He doubted they'd get the full hour to recover, but it was fine. As long as Neku was here, he'd be able to keep his writhing, thrashing, screaming responses to a minimum. Neku was all he needed to stay sane.

"O-okay." Neku murmured in response. That somehow felt like a great forgiveness had been granted to him, and he dropped his forehead against the place where Joshua's neck and shoulder met. He took a deep breath, and was suddenly very unpleasantly aware of all of the muscles he had done damage to. He was trembling.

_"You alright, kids? You can do this. You've got each other now."_ It was Sanae's voice, calm and gentle and soothing even though Neku felt a little indignant towards it.

Neku's arms stayed looped around Joshua, and he fought to support himself with his trembling legs. He didn't care how much it hurt or how tired he was from his own long week. Joshua needed him, and he wouldn't leave him.

The bastards were talking, probably planning their next sick tricks, but Neku was focused on the only thing in this room that mattered: Joshua.


	8. The First Experiment

**The First Experiment**

Neku's last conscious memory had been clinging to Joshua in that room, holding him and trying to buffer some of the pain that he was forced through. When it was realized that that was what he was doing, they tried to pry him off of him, and he'd fought them. A young man among the researchers had squirmed around to face him though, eyes serious before he reached out and touched Neku's forehead.

Everything had gone dark after that. He assumed that he'd lost consciousness.

When he opened his eyes, he was in a room that he didn't recognize. Everything was white, save for the dark panels that were like the ones in most common rooms, and the old books on a table. The room was cold. Much colder than anywhere else in the building he'd been. That in and of itself was a hugely bad sign. He took a moment to suck in a breath, and then he realized three things about his situation. One: He was pressed against someone else's body. Could feel them breathing. Two: He was completely and entirely unclothed save for the collar around his neck. And three: the thin sheet covering them was most likely the only bit of cloth in the room.

He didn't even have to look beside him to know. His voice came out hoarse and dry.

"Joshua? Are you awake?"

"Hmm..."

No, he wasn't. He didn't sleep often, and when he did, it was never for very long. After the last procedure, the length of time with no food, water, or rest and all of that pain wracking his body, it was a wonder that Neku's quiet voice roused him even enough to get a response.

Still, he didn't awaken. Joshua curled up on himself, shivering in his sleep. In his subconscious, he knew he was naked. It wasn't the first time. He didn't know why they did it. Maybe they thought he'd let them use his power if he was humiliated enough, or maybe they were just perverts. Either way, the only difference between those times and now were that one of them was in the room with him...but at least it was Neku.

Joshua shifted in his sleep and continued to shiver, curling his fingers against his lower lip and nuzzling the mattress.

The soft sound made Neku wipe at his eyes a bit, and his body ached when he moved. He wondered how long they had both been sleeping. The way his stomach felt made it seem like it had been a long time. He was hungry, but he was nauseous more than anything. With a sigh, the red-head slipped his arms out from under the thin sheet and tucked the other end around Joshua. He squirmed closer, hoping to stop him from shivering. It was awkward and seemed kind of twisted but... What could he do? He was involved now, and Neku had a feeling that he wouldn't find himself being treated as a normal Subject at all anymore.

"S'okay. I'm here, Josh."

The closer contact made Joshua wake up with a start, and he froze in Neku's grip, his heart pounding, his eyes wide, and his breaths sharp and nervous.

The softly spoken sentence, however, made him relax, and his attempt to whisper Neku's name came out as more of a whimpering of the word.

He pressed back against Neku and looked over his shoulder at his friend anxiously.

"...why are you...here?"

Feeling Joshua snuggle up against him was oddly...nice. Neku stroked the other boy's shoulder and tried not to think about which body parts where touching which. He blushed, and focused on self control. This would be an extremely awkward moment to get... too excited.

"I don't know. I just... Woke up here. I blacked out just a little while after you did." He said quietly. Neku knew that no matter how quietly he spoke, they could hear. This was obviously a room made for that purpose. Nowhere was safe; he should have known that before now.

"Are you okay?" He shivered a bit. "Damn, is it always this cold in here?"

"We're naked. That doesn't help. But no. Never. It's normally unbearably hot."

Joshua squirmed a little again, curling up tighter and closer to Neku. The body heat of the other was a weak comfort, but it was something he was grateful for. If this was an experiment, they should have tried it without Neku first. Too many contributing factors may have led to a breakthrough, but he was grateful for the oversight anyway.

"I'm alright."

A nod. Neku rested his face against Joshua's shoulder for a moment and huffed. This could definitely be worse. His panic faded and he began to take in the many other possibilities here. They were together. Neku was with his only friend, and he could handle anything beyond that. If he could survive that last awful experience, then whatever they were planning was tolerable.

"Me too. I'll be fine. 'Cept I think I probably destroyed my shoulder." He winced when he made an attempt to shrug the shoulder he was laying on. At least it had been popped back into place by...well. Somebody.

"I should have kept my mouth shut," Joshua murmured quietly, his gaze falling to the side. "After so long with just silence and the occasional blast of static, I wasn't even sure if the sounds I was making or hearing were real. I hadn't realized I'd screamed your name until much later, when you were...there. I'm sorry."

He'd held strong for a long time, but now that he finally had someone else to care for besides himself, he feared the inevitable breaking that would happen soon enough.

"I wasn't worth shit to them but... They've seen some of the stuff I can do. It would have happened eventually with or without you. Don't blame yourself. It won't help either of us." Neku pushed his fingertips against the back of his head, almost admonishingly.

It was weird. He wasn't used to being close to someone like this, but it wasn't bad. And the proximity kept the chilled air from being too biting. Neku wished he could see his friend's face, wished he could judge what was going on in his head. And then he realized that he hadn't even tried to reach out to his powers. He was afraid that his collar had been tampered with again.

"I'll be fine." He promised.

Joshua made a quiet noise of affirmation and nodded once, a bit unfocused. It was too cold. He wasn't used to it. The city whispered in his ears, strangled, but there. After the latest procedure, he was very grateful for that, too.

Gratitude was just about to eat him, wasn't it? And they were all things most should take for granted. He scowled at himself internally.

"...I think you saved me, last night."

"I... Couldn't do anything." Neku whimpered.

Unabashedly, he buried his face in Joshua's neck. The memories of what had happened were fresh and even more horrifying in his mind's eye.

"God, I wanted to help you so badly. I wanted to kill them all. I wanted to make them pay. I...Couldn't. Hurting you is something I can't do." Neku said darkly. It hurt. He felt useless; unworthy- _ugly_ next to Joshua. But then, they were both prisoners. Both trapped.

"I don't even care what they're up to right now. I'm just... Fucking relieved to be here and know that you're still breathing."

Joshua really did squirm away from Neku then, and he flipped over and sat up. The blanket fell around his waist, exposing his torso but leaving his lower half covered. He stared into Neku's eyes, confused.

"Why wouldn't I have been breathing?"

"I thought you were gonna die." Neku's voice was strangled as he shifted, looking up at his friend. "You can't die." His eyes betrayed his fear and sorrow at the thought.

He'd been alone forever. But now...? He wasn't sure he'd make it.

"I'm glad that I met you, Joshua." His voice was quiet and miserable. He couldn't look him in the eyes, and he bit his lip.

"I don't understand why, Neku. I've been in situations like that before. Why would this one have killed me?"

Joshua realized, maybe too late, that Neku couldn't have known about those previous procedures, and he cursed himself for saying what would almost certainly have made Neku feel even worse. To compensate, he reached out to grasp Neku's hand between his own thin fingers.

"And...it's Yoshiya," he said quietly. "My real name is Yoshiya."

He'd considered it before; wondered how a kid who'd probably come from Shibuya's streets like him (since he knew Sanae) could be named 'Joshua'. Something about this seemed strangely sacred to Neku, and he closed his fingers gently over the fingers that grasped him.

"Yoshi...ya" Neku repeated slowly and just as quietly. He nodded and smiled. "I'm used to calling you Joshua." He chuckled. "I can still call you that, right?" At the same time, it was almost offensive when he thought about it.

Neku was happy. He was cold, but he was happy. Neku squirmed until he was sitting up too and found himself unable to stop staring. Joshua was thin, but he was beautiful. His skin was flawless, unlike Neku's own. His arms and chest were badly bruised from their ordeal before, and he had dark pink scars on his arms and torso from things that he couldn't recall.

"Yoshiya..." He said it again, as though testing it out. It was a unique name like his own. Neku liked it.

"You can, if you want. I don't see why not. A name's...just a name, right?"

Joshua smiled, but his eyes were sad. His name was all he knew. He hadn't told anyone else. He assumed his birth name was on file here, somewhere, but they knew the truth where he and Neku did not. Joshua didn't know that Yoshiya Kiryu had been dead for almost a hundred years. All he knew was that it was his name, and he'd been here since he was seven.

He didn't look at Neku's body, keeping his gaze firmly focused on his gaze. He thought it would be rude to let his gaze wander, simply because of the expression Neku was wearing.

He was a fan of art. Beautiful things had always been capable of holding his attention. Again, that faint memory of sunlight on his skin and a tall wall plastered with bright color... Neku sighed, unable to recall much more. He smiled at Joshua though, and tried to ignore the goosebumps on his skin and fight the need to shiver.

"Is it just me, or is it getting freaking colder in here?" He asked darkly. Neku didn't want to release Joshua's hand, and managed to pull his gaze up to the other boy's face.

Well, the name had been covered. But the silver hair and violet eyes still went without explanation.

"Yoshiya..." He said yet again. Neku felt like the name had become his, somehow. That it was something special that wasn't given freely to anyone but him.

"Are they trying to freeze us out or something? Who the hell had this bright idea?" He complained.

Joshua moved to hug himself, shivering against the cold.

"Definitely getting colder. Really, the temperature in here is normally hotter than anywhere else in the building, save for the rooms where they keep me during procedures. Maybe they're trying to make me feel more at home in Hell or something."

He felt thick-headed. It was odd. He moved closer to Neku again, draping the thin fabric that was his blanket over them both. He looked around his room and found himself almost ashamed.

"Sorry this isn't...as fancy as your room. No television or notebooks. I'm not allowed to take much in."

Really, all that existed in this room was a small bed and a desk, where he'd piled a few history and science books.

"Sorry? I like this. You're here. That's more entertaining than anything else you could throw at me." He said, and nestled closer to Joshua if only to stop his own shivering.

Neku was well beyond things like worrying about societal norms. If he was going to be trapped in this place, he was going to make the best of every moment he had in it.

"I guess we just... try to stay warm, yeah?" Neku mumbled and snaked his arm around Joshua's waist. He rested his head on the other boy's shoulder, nuzzling at silver locks.

Joshua tensed against Neku, casting him another nervous side glance.

"Am...I warm?"

It hardly made sense. With both of them as cold as they were, it didn't seem like they'd have much body heat to offer each other. Neku's skin was just as cold as his own. He looked down, his cheeks burning despite the cold.

He'd never felt self-conscious before, but he knew that was the only word to describe his feelings right now.

"Mm-hm." Neku nodded slightly. As long as they stayed close like this... But it was getting colder. "I know this is sort of awkward but... Uh... I trust you, so we'll just deal, right?" Neku pulled the thin blanket tighter around the both of them and gave him a gentle squeeze around the middle.

"I wonder... How much colder they're going to let it get." He mumbled and nuzzled his friend's cheek.

Neku had to restrain himself. He liked touching Joshua, and there was nothing that he could do in his mind or heart to change or deny it. Lying about things like that was pointless anyway.

"Sorry. I just... I kind of like it."

"The cold, or being close?" Because Joshua certainly didn't like the cold. He moved closer to Neku and exhaled shakily, pressing the side of his face against Neku's chest. He closed his eyes. The close proximity was making him terrified against his will.

But Neku was warm, so Joshua wasn't moving. He opened his eyes half-way, watching silver hair splay over Neku's chest.

"Can we lie down?"

His muscles were getting sore from the shaking. He was used to trembling from pain, but the cold made him just as tense as he was active.

"Yeah, o-okay." He murmured, not answering his question. It was like a bad joke, and Neku wished he could remember why. He was blushing as he squirmed until he could lay on his back.

Of course he liked being close. He was a teenage boy, and the feeling of skin on skin was enough to make him have to struggle with his self control. Never; he told himself. He would never let something like this control him. Especially not with Joshua. Joshua was too important. He was also the first human being that had ever made Neku feel something like this- he was sure of that.

"Are you going to be okay? I know I'm sort of sore, but I'm already... F-feeling better. It's all just aches and pains at this point." He was trying to fill the quiet with talking, and it was really a pointless attempt.

"I'm fine. Like I said, I've...been through worse."

Joshua pushed away from Neku a bit now, looking away. His cheeks were tinged pink, but he hurt inside. Neku seemed insecure, and he wondered vaguely if it was his own fault. It didn't seem unlikely.

"...Do you want more blanket? I'll keep my distance, if you want."

He shook his head, a half smile on his face.

"No. Don't. I like it. I just feel... Guilty for liking it." His face matched Joshua's in pinkness, and he was sheepish.

The red-head didn't move to close the distance between them, but made an attempt at explaining himself.

"I like it when you touch me. I like it a lot. And... I like touching you." He fidgeted a bit. "I'm just afraid that you won't like it. That you... That I'll make you uncomfortable." He said quietly.

And Neku smiled.

Yeah, his cheeks burned hard at that. He looked away, scowling, though his answer was at himself and not Neku.

"...I trust you. And I like it when you touch me."

He shivered violently, hard enough to cry out quietly. He wrapped his arms around himself, digging his fingers into his arms. He was so cold.

And he almost feared moving closer to Neku, liking their closeness far too much.

"Damn... Josh, come here." He turned on his side a bit and reached out to wrap his arms around his friend. "You're freezing. I mean. Me too but... Damn."

Neku looked away and tried to tighten the blanket around the both of them. He noted that Joshua's skin was soft, and he almost instantly cursed himself for it. Then he wondered: Why were they letting this happen? There was nothing that they could gain from this, and it frustrated him.

"Is this... better?" He muttered, and found that he couldn't figure out where to put his hands. With skin flush against skin well... Did it even matter?

Joshua tensed against Neku, but his warmth made it worth the awkward feeling in his chest. He pressed his ear against Neku's chest, listening to the heartbeat that seemed to be quickening. His hands were curled against his chest, but he moved them around Neku's middle.

"Neku, your heart's pounding. Are you alright?"

Though he was brilliant, his ignorance made things rather simple for him. They left him naked in a room occasionally. The temperature change was new, as was Neku's presence, but everything was just an experiment to him. It was no more complicated than that.

"Yeah. I'm okay." Neku chuckled a little and squirmed closer. "I just... Uh... I don't know why my heart's pounding." He'd given up on trying to understand it. For now, he was just going to roll with it.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly in response. This was different for Neku. It wasn't awkward so much as it made him wonder about himself. Joshua was beautiful to him, that was a certainty. And he trusted him. But he had no idea what any of those things meant. He was like an Angel dropped into the sinful world below with no clue how to operate.

His wings had been beautiful. Neku's fingers were wandering without his permission, tracing his friend's shoulder blades as he let his thoughts wander.

"Yes, Neku. You keep asking. Why?"

Joshua pulled back to look at Neku curiously. Neku's aura was like a shroud around him, warming him from the inside. It'd certainly explain the burning in his cheeks and chest. His shivering grew a bit more violent at Neku's touch, though it was a reaction that was caused by something not entirely unpleasant.

"...That feels nice."

And yet, he almost wanted it to stop. His mind spun, but at the same time, there was nothing but static.

Neku moved his hands slowly, pulling them away only at the fact that he hadn't been aware of himself doing it. He moved his fingertips to Joshua's neck and hair instead, feeling it- memorizing it. His hair was soft but thick, and he wondered if it had always been this color.

"I just... want to make sure." The last thing that the red-head wanted to do was make Joshua unhappy. But at this point, he was a little afraid of himself, and the comfort that he found himself seeking.

And Neku moved to nuzzle Joshua's face, his eyes falling on the god child's back as he did so. He let out a quiet sound of surprise.

"I'm okay. Very cold and a little embarrassed, but I'm really okay. I promise."

Joshua closed his eyes as Neku stroked the back of his neck, and opened them with a small jolt at the sound Neku made. Panic tore through him in that moment; though part of it could have been the fault of the cold making his mind fuzzy, he knew he was terrified that he'd start reacting in self-defense without meaning to.

His collar hadn't been shocking him. It was possible to Erase Neku without meaning to, and he went totally rigid.

His soft cry of Neku's name was strangled, and betrayed his fear.

"Neku?"

His first priority at Joshua's reaction was to comfort him first. He ran his fingers over the lines he'd just caught his first glimpse of. They were almost transparent and shaped like the wings that had burst from his back during their attempted escape.

"Your back... I didn't know you had tattoos." He continued the soothing motion, hoping to feel Joshua relax in his arms again. And he was so cold. He shivered again, and wished that he could come up with a better way to keep him warm.

"They're like your wings."

Joshua glanced over his shoulder, a sharp movement that was followed by a widening of his eyes.

"...I didn't know they were there," he admitted quietly. "Maybe when my wings came out, they imprinted there. I didn't..."

He trailed off nervously. It had been a fear he'd been afraid to voice; what if they tried to get his wings out, and tore them off, or something? They were a sign of power. He knew that much. When his wings had torn from his back, they'd cost him, but he felt energy flowing through him that he was unfamiliar with.

"...I didn't even know I could bring them out. Half of my powers are connected to instinct alone, and the other half I was informed about while they tried to push me into using them. They felt...natural to me, but I didn't even get to look at them. I wish I had."

After a pause: "They're pretty."

Like Joshua. Unique like Joshua. Fitting.

"I know. My powers are kind of the same." He said simply.

And the warmth that was starting to spread through him wasn't just physical. Neku shifted so that he could look at Joshua, and didn't seem to mind much that their faces were so close.

"I've never seen anything like them." He said softly, and without thinking, he let his lips brush against the other boy's. And it was only that; a soft brush of contact as he spoke. Neku tensed a bit when he realized what he had done, but he kept himself from any sort of sharp reaction for fear that Joshua would react in a similar fashion to his last show of surprise.

That gesture sent Joshua's own heart fluttering, cast his mind into a state of utter confusion that was not at all unpleasant.

"N-Neku, what...?"

He breathed out softly against Neku's lips, his eyes wide. He found himself quite warm, suddenly, and he shivered though he was hardly cold any longer.

What was that?

"Ah... Kiss." What _was_ that?

He hadn't even considered doing it- it had just happened. Neku felt like he might just spontaneously combust on the spot. And as it stood, that wasn't all that unlikely. His abilities made it too easy. He was lucky that that wasn't the case.

He'd thought about doing it once or twice before, but he wouldn't admit it to himself.

He blinked at Joshua and licked his lips nervously- an unfortunate thing since their lips were still close enough to touch.

"S-sorry."

"Don't be. It wasn't bad."

Joshua exhaled shakily, and he wasn't sure why his breath came out trembling harder than his body was. He was so used to pain, so used to defending himself and getting beaten and suffering horrific procedures. Neku had been the only person to ever show him the comfort of being hugged, having his hair stroked, having his fingers squeezed.

The kiss had been unique in its own right, but it was a welcome experience.

"What does it mean?"

"Mean...?" What did it mean? Neku's mind switched into the mode it always did when he answered Joshua's innocent questions. "A kiss is... shared between people who love each other." He grumbled and blushed.

Neku felt like he'd stolen it from the other boy.

"It really wasn't bad?" He breathed, and Neku found that he was trembling with something other than cold as well. What was happening to him? He could feel Joshua's heart beating against him.

"Love?" A pause. Joshua looked down nervously. "You've used that word before. When you talked about sex. You said "lovers" and "people who trust each other." Is that all love is?"

He didn't answer the second question, as reluctant to repeat himself as he was preoccupied with the situation.

Neku was blushing, too, so it wasn't just him.

Neku nodded in response. It was the answer that he believed in. He wasn't certain; the definition of love was something that no one could contain. But did Joshua understand that? His face read curiosity.

"All love is...? I think that trust is a lot." He started. "And I think that no two people's definition of what love is is the same." Love. Why was that word coming up? He wasn't sure about it. But if he had been... Maybe he could be in love with Joshua. He was beginning to think he was.

"I guess... There's desire and attraction too. And trust." He couldn't bring himself to pull away, he just spoke gently and watched his friend's face.

"Attraction and trust I understand. But desire...is very vague. A desire to what?"

Joshua actually pouted and looked down, ashamed at his ignorance. He closed his eyes, and he sighed quietly.

He was attracted to Neku, and he trusted him. But love Joshua knew, was a rare thing, and it didn't seem possible that his first friend would also happen to be the person he loved. It would have made him too lucky.

Then again, it would have made sense. He was lucky enough to have found Neku as a friend, especially in a place like this.

"Desire... For the other person, I think. Desire to never be apart. Desire to never let go." Neku said slowly. He was simply speaking as it came to his mind. He hoped it resonated and made sense. He absently ran his fingers down Joshua's arms, trying to bring some comfort-but not to his friend this time. Comfort for himself.

He watched the god child with caring eyes, his expression soft.

It comforted Joshua anyway. He looked up at Neku again, his eyes sad.

No. Something inside of him screamed at him that this wasn't okay. Was it because they were both boys? Because they were here? Or maybe it was something from his life outside of this place. Wrong, though he couldn't remember why.

If that were the case, screw them. If they couldn't get him out, they couldn't control him.

"Is that all? Trust, attraction, and desire?"

Another nod. "That's how I see it, anyway. That's what love means... in my mind and heart." He responded. Joshua's conflicted expression both worried him and made his heart race faster. He felt light-headed.

The question was hypothetical- it was all hypothetical, right? It wasn't that he didn't probably love Joshua- because he did. Joshua was all he had in this place. All he had save for Sanae (and his help and advice had proven dubious at best). He was afraid of what that meant, though.

"...Josh?" His hands didn't leave the thin arms that he had been caressing, but they stopped moving as he stared at the other boy.

"How many people can you love at once? I mean...those three things are common if you've got friends, right?"

Desire. No one wanted a friend to leave. Attraction was key in almost any relationship, whether it was physical, emotional, or mental, or any combination of the three. And trust?

Well, no friendship was an honest one without trust. You had to trust your friends. Joshua didn't have any, save for Neku himself, but even he knew that much.

"I don't think there's a limit." He knew that, somehow. "I think that... the final ingredient to a 'lover' is... choice." Neku himself seemed to suddenly have this realization as he spoke it. "Choice. The choice to give of yourself and hold onto that person and never let anything take them from you. And- and need. Needing to be together for both your sakes." He was surprising himself as the words rolled off of his tongue.

"I... I think I get it." He nodded, and his expression was bashful. There was a smile on his lips though.

Joshua smiled too- almost coyly. He raised an eyebrow quizzically, but the twisted smirk on his lips was one of amusement and happiness, despite the biting cold around them.

"Did you just figure it out for yourself, too, Neku?"

Choice. Did that mean one was to also choose when they decided? What if they chose before other options were presented to them? It was a horrible mix of questions, and Joshua continued to watch Neku, intrigued.

"Yeah... Maybe." Neku tried to return the expression, but he shivered and almost laughed at the predicament they were in. It was cruel and a little bizarre. But he wouldn't let these bastards control him or the time he was given with Joshua. Yoshiya.

"You're thinking hard." He could all but see the cogs turning for his friend, and as always- wanted to know what was going on behind those amythest eyes.

"What's on your mind, Yoshiya?" He squirmed against him a bit and nuzzled closer to combat the cold.

"Trying to figure out if I love you or not."

Joshua's voice was low, almost a purr, and his violet gaze was locked onto Neku's face as he spoke. To judge Neku's reaction was the best way for him to figure out anything, and he was sure these words would get some interesting reactions from him.

Positive.

He didn't speak. Neku's eyes did widen a bit, and he went deathly still. His expression was questioning: curious, and he wondered what he was more afraid of: Joshua being in love with him or him... Not being in love with him.

What was it like? Neku felt like he understood, even if he couldn't remember why or how. He felt like Joshua should know, and there was a lingering memory as he looked at him. It was anger. A memory of anger. He didn't remember ever being honestly angry at Joshua so why- He mentally shook it off quickly, and it came and went in the blink of an eye.

"...Do you?" He asked, his voice sounding more hopeful than he had wanted. Neku lowered his lashes and tried to hide the tumult of everything that he was feeling.

Joshua almost wanted to admit, immediately, that he didn't know, but the fleeting look in Neku's eyes that indicated a ping of memory made him more cautious. Instead, he moved closer until he was flush against Neku, chest-to-chest, and nuzzled at the redhead's nose with his own.

"Do you want me to be?"

And was Neku in love with him?

Neku actually whimpered. He shivered from the cold that he couldn't even remember feeling, and let trembling fingertips come to rest on Joshua's thin shoulders. This was... It felt good and Neku wanted to push him away, wanted to hold him closer and closer- impossibly closer- all at once. He sucked in a breath of desperation.

"Yes." The red-head felt in the back of his mind as though he had sold his soul to the devil, and he thought that that was sickeningly ironic. Joshua wasn't the devil that people imagined he was. Not the Joshua that he knew. He was beautiful and gentle and infinitely strong, despite being rather sarcastic and able to snipe even the best of them with words.

He wanted it. Neku wanted Joshua- Yoshiya- to never leave him. He wanted to never be alone again, if it was him. And that terrified him. His whole world was changing, even now, and he knew that there was no coming back. He wanted it that way.

Joshua had honestly not expected that, and the answer took him aback. He looked away from Neku, towards the wall behind his head, and then turned the other way to half-bury his face in the mattress beneath him, his eyes cast in the same direction. Anything to avoid Neku's gaze.

"...Why?"

Someone as powerful and strong and imaginative as Neku deserved someone perfect, someone who was just as easy to love as Neku himself. Joshua knew there was more to himself than met the eye, knew that somehow, he'd hurt Neku in the long run...if he ever got out of here.

When Neku found his face suddenly pressed against those etched-in wings, he let out a sound of surprise and hurt. Of course. There was no way that someone like Joshua could have those feelings for him. Neku was just another...

"I'm just another kid off of the streets. I... I'm not worth anything to anybody but you- you're like an angel that just got dumped into this shit-hole of a world. You deserve so much more than this. So much more than me. You deserve to be loved and cherished and all you've been given is shit." His voice broke and he buried his face against soft skin and the markings there. "I'm so fucking sorry. I'd change it all for you in an instant if I could."

Tears were splashing down his cheeks and onto Yoshiya's back as he spoke, and Neku wrapped his arms around the other boy's middle.

"I'm sorry." And he repeated it over and over.

Neku didn't know much about good and bad, right and wrong. But he knew what hurt and what didn't. And this hurt. He wanted Joshua. He didn't want either of them to be alone anymore. He wanted to change it for the both of them.

Joshua began to squirm then, his lashes still lowered though his eyes glinted with a dim light.

"Not an angel. Stop. Don't cry, okay?"

He thrashed, just enough to pull back and look at Neku's face, his eyes sad. He wasn't sure why, but something inside churned painfully at the mentions of what he deserved. He'd done terrible things, in and out of this place, and in a terrifying feeling of foreboding, he felt as though some of those things had hurt Neku.

But how was that possible? They were both here. They had met here, and Joshua had been here since he was seven.

No matter. Neku was crying, and that took priority over everything. Joshua reached up with cold and trembling hands and brushed the tears from Neku's eyes with gentle thumbs.

"Don't... Neku, why are you sorry? All you've ever done is grace me with your beautiful, unique self..."

No one had ever said anything like that before. And he felt like Joshua was definitely an angel. And he didn't deserve the kindness that he was being shown. Neku nuzzled against the gentle fingers that touched his face.

"Josh... You're so cold." And he reached up, cupping his hands around the other boys to warm them with his breath.

"I don't... Understand it, but I'm glad. I need you. I think that I always have." He said gently, his lips brushing Joshua's knuckles as he spoke.

"I think so too." Joshua bit his lip almost timidly and looked away again, trying vainly to hide the tinge in his cheeks. "...I think I love you, Neku. I just...don't want to say it and not really know what love is, you know?"

He was afraid to say he loved Neku if he didn't really, and while part of him was sure he did, another part sternly reminded him that he'd been here too long, and Neku was the only example of kindness that he'd known.

He looked back down at Neku's fingers and kissed them gently.

"I think I love you too." Neku started, his tone insistent and honest. "I just... Yeah. It's scary. What if you love someone and they don't love you back. And what if you love someone and they get taken away from you. And what if you love someone and they love someone else."

There were a lot of what-if's involved. Neku moved his hands and wrapped Joshua in his arms to keep them both warmer. He rested his face against the curve of his cheek, his breath disturbing the silver curls that covered his delicate ear.

Everything about Joshua was beautiful and delicate; from his fingers to his slight hips and shoulders- Neku was embarrassed that he kept thinking about it, but it was normal to find somebody this beautiful attractive- wasn't it?

Joshua shivered at the breath on his ear, his eyes wide at the closeness and the strange stirring feeling that it gave him. Uneasy, he moved a little against Neku, resting his chin on the redhead's shoulder.

"Neku, it's...getting colder."

The warmth in his heart, cheeks, and stomach weren't enough. He was chilled to the bone, and it scared him. What if they'd been put here to freeze to death together?

He was shaking too. Neku was maybe a bit more resilient than Joshua in a physical sense but this time there wouldn't be any holding out. He was so cold that it hurt. His toes and fingertips ached. The tip of his nose was numb.

"I know." He whispered, and the red-head refused to admit that he was frightened. This could be bad. They could get sick or lose body parts if this kept up.

"We... have to stay warm. We've got to do something." He said quietly. Neku didn't know what, but he was prepared to do anything in order to keep them both alive and ticking.

Naked in a room-turned-freezer. Great.

"It's not... Not freezing yet. Not until we can see our breath." He mumbled, trying to think through it.

Joshua actually let out a soft whimper and pressed closer to Neku.

"This is ridiculous," he whispered, almost more angry at the concept than afraid. "Are...they going to kill us? If so, why? And why now?"

He pressed his palm over Neku's nose, willing him to be warm. He'd have transfered his own heat to Neku, if he thought it would have helped...or had been possible.

"Maybe...try using your ability. The fire. I'll take your pain from you, gladly, if it means we can be warm instead."

He winced, but nuzzled Joshua's hand.

"I can't control it enough. I'm afraid that I might actually hurt you. Or me." He said. Neku squirmed against Joshua and let out a small whine at the feeling of closeness. He was fighting what he knew was something very embarrassing at this point, but the more he moved against him, the warmer he felt.

"Huh..." Neku moved his hands over Joshua's shoulders, his side and back. It was in an attempt to warm him up but... it was an excuse to memorize the curves of his body, too.

Joshua snorted softly.

"Think you've got cause to be worried, Neku? Just look at me. They've been pulling at my powers for so long that the snap-back can't be controlled anymore." Frustrated, he growled and looked down at Neku's throat. His pulse was making the soft flesh throb quietly, and Joshua pressed his fingertips to the beat gently.

"I could Erase you," he whispered, "without meaning to...and there'd be nothing either of us could do about it."

His fingers trailed down to hover over Neku's actual heartbeat, and Joshua leaned forward to nuzzle at Neku's neck.

Oh god- was this really happening? He shivered against Joshua and pressed into his touch desperately.

"I don't care." It was worth it. Every moment was. "I trust you. You won't." He breathed. Neku's hands rested on his hips and he tried not to dig his fingernails in. The red-head was trying with all of his might to keep his self control but- this was almost impossible. Was this it? Was this what the bastards wanted?

He reached down and gently tilted Joshua's face up towards his, his finger hooked under his chin. Neku brought their lips together slowly at first, and he felt his heart pounding in his ears. Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to care that there was probably a whole observation room full of people watching this.

Joshua nodded once, moving into the kiss now that he understood it was simply a matter of lips moving against lips. Neku's tightening grip on his hips made him gasp quietly, his eyes widening.

He broke the kiss long enough to murmur Neku's name softly, and his lashes fluttered against Neku's cheeks as he moved in to kiss him again, gently. He raised his hand to stroke Neku's hair, adding comfort to comfort in the only ways he knew how.

What Neku had shown him was all he knew.

He knew he should stop, knew that something about this whole thing was insane. But he couldn't. He wouldn't. And he moved his hips against Joshua's until their bodies connected with that delicious friction, and it made him shiver and moan.

Neku accepted Joshua's almost timid kisses gladly, and ventured to move his tongue out over his lips. His hands moved gently over the god child's back, and back down to his hips again, and the red-head was terrified at how badly he wanted him.

"Joshua... Yoshiya... I..."

The warmth in Joshua's stomach was growing hotter, the building heat making him shiver against Neku for too many reasons. He gasped silently at the feeling of Neku's tongue on his lips, and his opening mouth could taste Neku's very breath. It was beautiful, and terrifying, to be this close, this vulnerable.

"Neku?"

Despite himself, his eyes strayed to between Neku's legs. Both of their lower halves were still covered by the blanket, but on Neku's half, it seems to be showing signs of rebellion; Joshua brushed his fingers over the bulge tentatively and looked up at Neku again, blushing at the feeling of the half-hardened erection.

It was almost sensory overload. There was nothing but Joshua. He was breathing him, tasting him, feeling him. When those slender fingers brushed over him, Neku whimpered and arched into the touch.

"Josh-!" Another whine. He pressed into Joshua's mouth with his tongue, unsure but wanting so much.

"A-a-are you okay?" Neku mumbled almost pathetically and wondered if Joshua was feeling the same. "Is this okay?"

"How exactly is this supposed to work?"

Joshua was smirking against Neku's lips, and he tilted his head slightly at his blushing companion. He knew about sex, true, but he had no idea how sex between two boys was supposed to work. He knew the friction and movement would keep them warm, and he knew that Neku wanted it. Everything about his appearance and actions confirmed it.

Neku's tongue was warm, and Joshua squirmed against his body, exhaling shakily.

"T-they're watching."

Neku's grip itself didn't change, but his actions were becoming a bit more possessive. He pulled back from Joshua's pretty face, leaving dampness behind and twining fingers in the silver curls that he'd come to adore so much. No words. He couldn't explain it.

"They're always watching. Let them. Maybe it'll make them question their own sanity for putting us in a room like this." He said darkly against Joshua's cheek. He was beautiful.

"Just... trust me." He murmured, and snaked his free hand between them. He ran his fingertips gently over the soft flesh of the god child's thighs.

Joshua twitched beneath Neku's fingers, gasping and looking away. There was no fighting it. He was turned on. Unlike Neku, he didn't have the normal urges of a teenager, and he wasn't sure why. The feeling of himself stiffening was bizarre, but he knew it'd be evident through the blanket and the thought of Neku seeing him was strange.

The breath against his face made him shiver, though the cold was long forgotten.

"I...do."

"I won't hurt you." He promised in a whisper that was barely audible. He kissed Joshua's eyelids and face, whimpering as he pushed blindly, arching for more friction.

Neku pressed his own need against the other boy's leg, and he blushed. That lack of self control was embarrassing. He let his tongue slip out and trace the shell of Joshua's ear, and slowly tightened his hand around the god child's growing erection.

"I-if you want me to stop, just say it, okay?" He was afraid of hurting or frightening Joshua more than anything.

That was where Max had touched him, so unwelcome at the time. With Neku, it was more than just a primal urge, and Joshua felt no shame as his eyes fluttered shut and another soft gasp left his lips. Yes, it felt good, and this intimate closeness was welcome with Neku.

"I trust you."

Those words meant so much, and he arched into Neku's touch with a hardly-restrained whimper. Max, too, had let his tongue touch Joshua there, but he was afraid to mention it now. With Neku, it was fine. It had to be, for too many reasons.

"Nnh...Neku...?"

The name itself was his question. His body was hypersensitive. He wasn't used to being touched, especially not gently. On the rare occasion he was touched by another human, it was to be beaten. Neku's motions were always so soft and careful, and even now, when Joshua wished, deep down, that the touch would be more forceful, it was all he could do to keep himself from writhing.

He moved his mouth to Joshua's throat, kissing every bit of the warm stretch of skin that he could find. He wanted to give Joshua only pleasure

"Hm? Tell me what you need from me, Yoshiya." He said quietly. "Direct me. I want you to like it when I touch you." He murmured.

There was a quiet moment when he stopped moving all together, but he couldn't stand it- even for Joshua's sake. Before he knew it, he had rolled them both over, and he was on top of the thinner boy.

It was sinful- it was wrong- and he didn't care, and it felt so good.

"Fuck, Josh..."

Joshua stared up at Neku with wide eyes, his cheeks flushed and his body trembling. The blanket had slipped from them both, leaving them fully exposed. He was sure some of the pervert Staff Members were getting off on this, but his main priority was Neku. As he exhaled, he could see a thin mist curling from his lips, and he wrapped his arms around Neku for warmth and security.

"Direct you...? Neku, I don't...know."

Of course not. How could he? He'd never touched anyone like this, never been touched like this, never read it or seen it done. With even less experience than the purest virgin, there was nothing for him to do, and he looked at the ceiling to avoid meeting Neku's gaze. His own was almost embarrassed.

He nodded and nuzzled Joshua's face gently. Neku would be slow and gentle, then. He squirmed a bit, his fingers pushing silver locks back. The last thing on the red-head's mind was the Staff watching. A part of him was even morbidly defiant in this act, as though it could give them something that they couldn't take; that they couldn't measure or understand.

"I'll be careful. I never want to hurt you. Not you." Neku whispered against his ear.

He pushed himself up, supported by his elbow as he ran fingers down the beautiful boy's torso. He stopped though, and Neku's mind was running a million miles a minute. He didn't want to hurt him... and he moved careful fingers back to Joshua's erection.

He began to move them in a steady rhythm, watching the god child's face. He wanted to remember every detail of his expression during this.

Pleasure. That was all that registered in Joshua's mind.

First, it had been fear, though fear may have been too strong of a word. Apprehension, really. He wondered if Neku would be angry that Joshua could not follow his orders, but that anxious feeling had gone away, replaced by a shifting sense of embarrassment as those pretty fingers had touched him in such a private place.

But that feeling of slight shame had left him quickly in favour of the pleasure that rippled through him now. Neku's touch was cautious and gentle, and it felt good. Joshua figured that if he had done something wrong, Neku wouldn't be doing this now.

It was hard not to squirm against Neku or arch into the touch, but Joshua was trained at keeping still during any circumstance. His lips parted in a silent gasp, but his breaths were quiet, and he did not speak.

His eyes were closed all the while.

"Joshua..." He said quietly. "It's okay to let go. It's just me." And again, he didn't care that they were being watched. The writhing form beneath him was more beautiful than any work of art. It deserved to be watched and admired, but Neku refused to share any part of him. He knew that now. He'd never be able to give any part of Joshua up to someone else.

"My Joshua... It's okay." He wanted to say it and let him know that he meant it. Joshua was more important than his own pride though.

Neku was ignoring his own screaming body as best he could. Seeing Joshua like this was a rare and beautiful sight; an impossible and beautiful thing.

"Beautiful..."

It was all Joshua could do to keep from digging his nails deep into Neku's bare back. The strangled noises that threatened to bubble from his throat were stressful, and Neku was too gorgeous, his aura so warm.

To appear before him at anything less than Joshua's best was a serious blow to him, and despite Neku's soothing remarks, Joshua fought the urge to utterly thrash beneath Neku's gentle hands.

"Nn. Neku...It..."

Beautiful? Him? No. Not before Neku.

Neku's body was shivering, and the way the boy was squirming beneath him he wondered if he was ready for more than this. The red-head licked his lips and picked up his pace. He was aching miserably for Joshua's touch himself, but would never ask for it. He wanted him to be comfortable and feel safe. It wasn't about Neku right now, at least, not in his mind.

"What is it, Josh?" He asked quietly against heated flesh. It didn't matter that they could see their breath. Between them, it was like there was an infinite amount of heat. He whined and let his eyes flutter shut for a moment.

Joshua didn't answer right away. His eyes were focused on Neku's, looking deep into the reflection where he could see himself so clearly.

Mirrors weren't allowed in this place, since they could easily be broken and the shards used as weapons. Joshua hadn't seen himself clearly in over a decade, and looking at himself now, he wondered if it was really him here. He didn't recognize this boy whose hair was so ruffled and whose eyes were so glazed, his cheeks so flushed.

Then it occurred to him that maybe Neku craved his touch just as much as Joshua appreciated Neku's, and he lowered one of his hands, letting go of Neku's shoulder and brushing against his need carefully.

Joshua got a quiet and strained huff of air out of him. The red-head's face read surprise and above all else, want.

He leaned into Joshua's touch. He was inexperienced, but careful, and that was more than Neku could ask for. He kissed the god child's face, nuzzling him and breathing desperately into his hair.

"Josh... Feels good." He murmured.

And Joshua's fingers found him the same way Neku's had found Joshua. He applied more pressure than before, stroking carefully, slender fingers definitely lacking experience but more than making up for it with Joshua's cautious judgment where Neku's twitches and huffs were concerned.

"I know," he replied quietly, and that was the only bit of coherency that left him at that moment. He tilted his head up to kiss at Neku's throat, sighing shakily.

He was going to have to break away from this if he wanted to continue on, and part of Neku didn't want to. He had made up his mind though.

The red-head pulled away from Joshua, sliding down his body until he was on his knees, planting soft and feverish kisses on the god child's thin hips. He really didn't have any idea what he was doing, but he knew the basics of what needed to be done. It would be more than worth it to witness Joshua's reaction to this.

"Yoshiya..." He whispered before letting his tongue dart out experimentally, lapping at the head of his erection. A few moments later, he slid his lips down over it, taking as much of him into his mouth as he could. Neku whimpered quietly, muffled by the flesh in his mouth as his fingers caressed Joshua's thighs and hips.

Joshua had been inhumanly still while Neku moved. He'd hated having Neku slip through his fingers, and he'd hated Neku letting go of him. He was shy and confused and ready to make a snarky comment when the sudden wet heat attacked his senses. While one hand tangled his fingers within the blanket, the other hesitantly grasped Neku's copper locks, seeking some part of him to hold onto.

He bit his lip to remain silent, but a few garbled whimpers tore from his lips unbidden, and he threw his head back against the mattress, lips parted.

A soft noise left Neku's lips and was muffled again. He moved his tongue intently, watching Joshua's face as carefully as he could manage from the angle he was at.

Finally, he pulled back and climbed up Joshua's body. He gazed into the other boy's eyes and had long ago given up hiding the blush on his features. Neku was straddling him now, licking his lips and surprised at how fully the lust had consumed him.

"You might... Want to hold onto me." He said quietly and slid back slowly, pushing Joshua inside of him.

Neku's lips parted in a gasp, and he shivered violently before he managed to take in all of Joshua's length. He whimpered and tightened his fists into the blanket beneath them, waiting for the pain to subside. He'd already thought through this, and that was scary to him. He'd wanted this, and wanted to give Joshua nothing but pleasure. He'd take what pain there was to be had.

"J-Josh...!" He whined, and started to move.

Pain. Neku was in pain.

But...why had he done that? Joshua could feel how tight and hot he was, and there were no words that came to his sharp mind that could describe how amazing it felt.

Joshua whimpered and shifted, unsure what to do with his body, how to move without hurting Neku. His eyes were impossibly wide and focused hard on Neku's face.

"A-are you...okay?"

Neku took a few long moments to catch his breath, and let his head drop down so he could gaze through heavy lidded eyes at Joshua. And he moved a bit; experimentally at first, and then he began a rhythm that picked up slowly.

"Yes." He whispered in response, and he was shivering as he moved. Joshua felt amazing inside of him-past the initial pain, and it left him barely able to focus enough to pay attention to the boy beneath him.

"Hah- Josh, does this... feel good?" He asked, his sentence broken by the pleasure that flowed through him. Neku wanted to make sure that it wasn't uncomfortable for him. His hands tangled in Joshua's hair as he moved, a soft moan coming from his lips.

"Y-es..."

Speaking was harder than it should have been. Joshua moved trembling hands to Neku's hips and held them gently, unsure of anything and everything but the facts that this felt wonderful and that it was very welcome, with Neku.

Whimpering, Joshua moved his hips against Neku's and sighed at the resulting pleasure. He was afraid to hurt him, but he figured moving might help him get used to it, might please him in return for Neku giving him such overwhelming pleasure.

He nuzzled at Neku's hand, gasping softly and closing his eyes.

"Good." He gasped and leaned forward to make it easier to move. The pace was increasing, the pleasure building and coiling in his core. Neku felt like he might come without Joshua even touching him, though he wanted it so badly...

When Joshua started to move with him, Neku let out a low moan at the stimulation of that spot deep within him. He never wanted it to stop.

"Yoshiya!" He said, his voice cracking. "Yoshiya..." It fell from his lips like a prayer; a holy mantra that held everything he'd ever known, the only thing he remembered that he loved and wanted with all of his heart.

"Please... Please touch me." He whined, unable to hide the desire for the beautiful god child's fingers around his length.

Joshua nodded, his eyes glazed and his mind cloudy. It was hard to understand anything past Neku's beauty and the overwhelming pleasure that was taking him over so completely, but he understood, and he reached out to wrap slender fingers around Neku's length again.

His grip was firm now, and he stroked Neku hard and fast, not quite so tentative. Not now. The boiling heat in his stomach made him dizzy, so unbalanced because he was so hot and so cold and _damn it Neku_, you're way too fucking tight.

"Neku...you're gorgeous."

Neku made a soft sound in response to that statement. He didn't know anything about himself. He barely even remembered what his own face looked like, and it made the red-head whimper and squeeze his eyelids shut. Tears pricked his eyes, but he blinked them back. The pleasure was too much; it was tearing through him and making everything but Joshua himself fade from his consciousness.

"I need to... Need..." He felt like he couldn't last, and Neku was embarrassed- he hated it. he kept moving, never breaking his pace for Joshua. Everything was Joshua.

"My angel... I love you, Yoshiya." He dared to breathe these words that he felt so deeply in that moment.

"...And I love you, Neku."

It was hardly a whisper, and Joshua closed his eyes again, hips and hand moving and his heart beating way too fast. He had to. Attraction, desire, and trust. There was more to it than that, he was sure, but he was also sure he had that, too. Neku was his everything, and even though he felt his own climax building, he was more than satisfied at the concept of Neku first.

He understood enough, and he pressed his thumb to the already wet tip of Neku's erection.

"Let go for me."

A sharp, ragged breath. His heart pounded in his throat, and everything went quiet for a while. His mind couldn't catch up, and his fingertips raked down Joshua's chest. His voice caught in his raw throat, and Neku's head fell back as he moved, lolling on his shoulder.

"God J-Josh... Yoshiya-ah!" He didn't even have any control over himself as his release came spilling over onto Joshua's hand. His muscles spasmed as he moved and he felt himself bearing down even harder on the other boy beneath him. It made him tremble and moan as he road out the last of the mind crushing orgasm, watching for the god child to reach his climax.

Neku didn't have to wait very long. The sudden tightening of muscles around Joshua, coupled with the wet, sticky warmth that coated his fingers, the sharp, delicious pain that streaked down his chest, and that cry from Neku's lips...

It was all an amazing combination that made Joshua reach his climax with a barely-stifled cry, weak and desperate and strangled and maybe, just maybe, a twisted version of Neku's name leaving his lips.

And then he was exposed to that biting cold again, and he shivered and grasped for Neku's hand like he was afraid the boy would suddenly vanish, no more than a figment of his imagination.

He waited until Joshua was grasping at him to separate their bodies. He whimpered when he realized that he felt empty. The red-head collapsed against Joshua's chest, trying to pull the blanket back over them. It was so cold, but now they had the heat that was still so intense lingering between them. If they stayed pressed together, then it'd be okay...

"That... was..." Neku couldn't even come up with a word, and wide eyed, he looked up at Joshua with wide eyes and kissed along his jawline.

"I know," Joshua whispered, and the agreement was to the unspoken words. He wrapped trembling arms around Neku, pulling him so close that he could feel the redhead's fluttering heartbeat against his own chest.

He was already shivering with cold, and he buried his face into the warm pulse in Neku's neck.

They were being watched. Naked. Cold. Trapped.

But maybe it was okay, if they had each other.

He was afraid before he realized it. It had crept up on him. Neku was afraid that they'd never get to be with each other like this. That they'd never get to learn each other's bodies and share their days; afraid that this was the start of an addiction that neither of them could sustain due to the Program's cruelty. What if they stopped them from seeing each other after this?

"Josh..." He nuzzled the other boy's cheek and reached up to thread his fingers through silver curls. He didn't want the fear to be obvious, but was sure that it was written on his face.

"Your heart hurts," Joshua murmured, splaying thin fingers over Neku's heartbeat. "I can feel it. You're hurting."

He moved his nose into Neku's hair, inhaling and then breathing out softly. His thumb brushed Neku's neck lovingly, and he simply cherished the feeling that was Neku being so close.

"...Don't."

"I trust you." He said simply, and fought the need to shiver. Gods, what did they want from them? When would they turn the heat back up? There was no way he could fall asleep shivering like this. A soft whimper escaped him as he tightened his arms and the thin blanket around Joshua's thin form.

"I'm just afraid." He whimpered. "Josh... I don't want to be alone anymore." His voice was soft, and he felt like he couldn't stand to let go. They'd have to drug him or drag him off by force if they wanted them apart at this point.

"Neither do I," Joshua whispered, and with that came the pain of a hundred years of agonizing loneliness. It hit him in a jolt, and he shuddered violently. What the hell?

He gripped Neku closer, digging his fingernails in hard before he realized how tightly he was clutching the boy in his arms. He loosened his grip, but the trade-off was that his hands started shaking.

"Sorry."

He winced, but didn't mind. Neku nuzzled against the other boy's face and kissed him again- very gently.

"It's okay. It'll be okay..." He said slowly. Maybe. Really, he didn't know. Neku just knew that he had to believe it. He needed to. "I'll fight for you. I'll always fight for you." He promised quietly.

"I trust you." He repeated, barely a whisper.

"And I trust you. But..."

Quietly, now, until his voice was hardly audible:

"Why does he want to kill me?"

Neku didn't have to ask or wonder to know what he meant. His eyes were sad, and he wasn't really sure, but he had a hunch.

"I think... He's afraid that your power could hurt a lot of people. And... To save the people, he'd be willing to sacrifice both of us for it." Neku said quietly. He frowned and rubbed his hands over his friend's arms in an attempt to warm his thin body.

"I won't let him, Josh. He's wrong. Killing you wouldn't save them." And then suddenly: "Josh... Kiss me."

And Joshua did, to drown out the cacophony of voices and emotions running through his mind and body, to rid himself of his inhibitions and utterly bury himself, and his loneliness, in the boy who understood him so much better than he understood himself.


	9. Poison

**The Second Experiment**

It had been perfectly silent, and Neku had felt himself drift off to sleep only after the thermostat had slowly crept back into the comfort zone. Some of his last conscious thoughts revolved around wondering if they had just been suspecting some sort of thing. Would people hear about this somehow? Would the rumors get worse? Would it matter?

The redhead really didn't care if he was never reintroduced into the rest of the populace again. As far as the Program's hierarchy was concerned, he was probably pretty expendable outside of affecting Joshua. And that was something that he'd probably keep right on doing for a long time, if he could help it.

When he opened his eyes again, it felt like even more time had passed than during his first sleep. His body was barely sore, now. His bruises turning a sickly yellow. Had they been drugged or gassed or something? How long had they been asleep? Neku lifted his head a bit, darkened blue eyes falling on the desk- where two sets of clothes and some bottles of water had been placed. Were those food trays too? And Joshua had been right about the normal temperature being rather high.

The clothes were... Huh. They weren't the usual plain white affairs. They struck some chord of familiarity in him. Neku couldn't place it though. Something about planets and zoo animals and mythical beasts.

"Josh...?" He mumbled.

"Neku."

Joshua was up already, crouched in the corner of the room at the foot of the bed. He was as far as humanly possible from the clothes, though his stomach was growling.

There were bruises under his eyes. His limbs trembled from the awkward position, from the placement of his weight on his thin arms and ankles. He didn't know why this instinct to hide was so strong, but he wasn't one to deny himself those basic blessings. He trusted himself.

"What's going on?"

His voice was suspicious.

"Dunno."

He said quietly. Neku raised his head and looked over at Joshua's trembling form. Something about it all was very disconcerting. He ached. His insides hurt. Had they really... ... Neku's cheeks burned. The worst of it all was that they had surely seen every moment of him writhing like a wanton whore on top of the god child. He wanted a shower. He could still feel his own ejaculate dried on his lower stomach.

Unable to meet the other boy's eyes, the redhead draped the thin blanket over him as he stood up gingerly to look at the things laid out on the table. The food was still hot. On one tray was a hamburger with fries and a soft drink. The other was a big bowl of some kind of soup- Ramen, Neku thought he remembered.

"What's this-" He picked up the clothes first. The ones that looked to be more his size than Joshua's and gratefully put them on. Neku didn't care about anything so long as he was less exposed and humiliated. Quietly, he took the other folded pile of clothes and got down on his knees in front of the Composer. Composer...?

"Why...Composer..." He mumbled, but couldn't remember the significance of the word.

"Shut up," Joshua said testily. He wasn't sure why. He continued to stare at the food and clothes the Staff had left for them as though it had all badly insulted him. "Don't eat that."

Losing his virginity to Neku was the last thing on his mind right now. He tugged at his collar with the tip of his index finger, but it was only from habit. He hardly even blinked as he glared straight ahead.

Neku jolted a bit at the harshness his friend regarded him with. The redhead weakly held out the clothes towards the other boy again, eyes confused. He felt like he was trying to remember something important.

"Why... Why..." There was something that he had meant to ask that question in regards to, but for the life of him he couldn't remember it. His head hurt- it was a sudden splitting headache. Neku dropped the things in his lap and clutched his head, gasping.

Joshua flinched, violet eyes wide and bright as he turned to look at Neku. He didn't hesitate, and was by the redhead's side in an instant.

"Neku, what's wrong?"

Pale and shaking fingers gripped Neku's shoulder.

"It...Hurts." He grunted, and tried to retreat from that part of his head. It was so difficult to get away from it now. His attention was drawn to it- to the fact that there were barriers in his mind.

"Man... My head feels like it's going to split in two when I try to think too hard about it. That word. Why did I say that word?" He whimpered and blinked against the harsh light.

"Josh what's... What's going on? Did they do something to me?" He groaned and reached out to help pull the blanket around his friend's shoulders even more tightly. Neku was afraid and insecure right now. He wanted to feel Joshua close to him. He leaned up and brushed his lips gently over the other boy's.

Joshua crouched and wrapped his arms around Neku. He kissed him before pulling him into a tight hug. Resting his head on Neku's shoulder, Joshua exhaled shakily.

"I don't know. I've been here with you."

He gave the bowl of ramen another venomous glare.

"I don't...like this."

"Maybe they want us to regain our strength or something." He mumbled, gasping and leaning against Joshua for strength.

"I'm pretty much too hungry to say no." Neku was weak when it came to things like this. He whimpered and stared desperately at Joshua.

Joshua bit his lower lip, his gaze becoming rather indecisive for a moment. Neku wouldn't be used to ongoing experimentation. Joshua was used to not eating. This was harder on Neku.

...Unless...

"G-go ahead. I don't..."

_Need to eat_? Joshua swallowed hard.

He nodded, but shoved the clothing at Joshua. He should at least be able to cover himself. Neku didn't like the thought of him being exposed when he could actively do something about it.

"You should eat. I know you probably don't want to." He wouldn't push the matter any further, but he did go over to the desk and pick up a fry. He nibbled at it thoughtfully.

"Tch. It's probably drugged or poisoned or something." It was a bad joke. A very bad joke. He also hadn't caught onto the inference that Joshua had left wide open. He didn't need to eat? Neku never would have just assumed something like that.

"Why do you think I'm still over here?"

Joshua ran his hands over the soft fabric of the blue shirt. It seemed like a calm, thoughtful gesture, but there was more to it than that. He was making sure it didn't have anything hidden in the fabric.

When he was certain it was safe, he got dressed and approached Neku cautiously.

"Shio," he murmured, and there might have been sadness in his eyes.

"The ramen?" Yeah. He nodded and found himself reaching out to touch the hem of Joshua's sleeve. Why was this familiar? What was going on?

He frowned and reached for the sandwich. The food was good at least. Neku was definitely willing to put himself out on a limb for something in his stomach.

"Hey. If I taste it and I don't die will you eat some?" Josh should at least be able to enjoy something like that, right?

Joshua flinched again, pulling away from Neku. His eyes were serious, betraying that there was more to his suddenly cold nature than just irritation at Neku. He looked around the room.

"I've got it."

He reached for the chopsticks, and the feeling of his fingers around them alone made his head and heart ache. He picked out a few of the noodles, but as he raised them to his mouth, he hesitated. After a few seconds he dropped the chopsticks and pulled away. The scent was more than enough to overwhelm his senses, and he didn't want to eat it.

"I can't..."

That worried him. Neku took a sip of his drink and put his sandwich down to watch the other boy's movements.

"Are you sick, Joshua?" He'd been worried about that, especially after the bastards had tried to freeze them out or... whatever. What a fucked up situation to lose your virginity in.

"Um... Hey. About... You know. I'm. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have started touching you like that... I..."

"Stop. I liked it. Loved it. We should do it again sometime. When we're not here anymore."

He said this in a slow voice, though the tone was rushed.

"And I'm not sick. I just...really don't like this."

As much as that statement surprised him, Neku was grateful. He was relieved. If Josh wanted to do it again sometime, then it hadn't all been horrible. The thought of himself being responsible for that kind of unhappiness for Josh... He didn't want that.

"Yeah. When we get out. We can do it all you want." Neku was trying to lighten the mood, even if the subject matter was a tiny bit morbid.

"Ramen's not your thing? They sure as hell guessed right with me. God, I missed this food."

"Shio is my favourite," Joshua corrected, his eyes and tone wary.

They were after something. Joshua knew these clothes. He knew that smell, and he would know that taste. He knew the sound that was his set of chopsticks hitting the side of the bowl.

His violet gaze moved onto Neku again, watching him analytically.

Neku nodded as though he knew that. Did he know that? Whatever. He didn't like the way Joshua was watching him. Sapphire irises flicked away from the food that he wasn't so interested in anymore.

"I feel...Weird when I look at it. And the clothes. Like it's something I should remember but I don't." He said quietly.

Neku could feel that stirring in his mind that warned of their 'watcher' possibly making an appearance soon, but he couldn't be sure of it.

He took a slow, deep breath and watched the other boy's face.

"I'm not touching it," Joshua said sourly, and he moved to sit on the edge of the bed again. He shivered. "They're trying to coax something out of us. But what?"

Nostalgia was the most gentle way to bring back old memories. Joshua knew that. As such, he knew better than to risk the pleasure.

"Dunno. I said 'Composer' earlier. I keep... It's like I remember something but I don't."

He shook his head. It was stupid really. All of this was. Somehow, the recent events left him feeling less like they were even still in that place. He felt like he was somewhere else doing something else and- that was disconcerting in more ways than one.

"I don't know how to... Make sense of what's going on in my head." He looked down at his hands. "I have scars. I know how to...How to kill people and I don't know how or why."

"Don't say that word!" Joshua snapped. His eyes were livid. "Keep your mouth shut."

Despite the anger in his eyes, his tone read as nothing but urgency. He didn't know how to relay the fact to Neku, but...memories were one thing. Speaking them aloud, with eyes and ears all around? That was stupidity.

That startled Neku. His appetite was gone, and everything just felt like a sort of vague confusion. The redhead shifted uncomfortably, but if Joshua was upset about something like that, then he'd better... ... Something was wrong.

His lips felt numb.

"W-wha...?"

Instantly, Neku cursed himself and his eagerness. He was starting to shake.

"D-don't eat it."

He gasped suddenly, and the redhead clutched his stomach. It twisted painfully, violently, and he felt like he might vomit but couldn't.

"Neku!"

Joshua leapt from the bed, his arm around Neku's shoulders cautiously. He forced him to the ground gently, aware that falling down was the other option.

"Neku, what's wrong?"

"Something in the food." He hissed, as though it should have been obvious. Neku gasped desperately, his throat starting to close up.

The redhead's hand shot up to claw at his throat, eyes wild and desperate. The voice in his head spoke up suddenly.

_"Phones? OI! Phones! What the-"_ Neku couldn't pay attention enough to care if he said anything else. Was he dying? Why did he feel like this wasn't the first time? As the redhead clung in vain to Joshua's arm, he could feel his consciousness threatening to slip away.

"C-can't. Can't breathe."

Joshua's grip around Neku did not falter. He held the teenager to his chest with arms that were strong and secure. Soft hushing sounds left his lips, and he closed his eyes, rocking back and forth gently.

"Shh. Neku, it's okay. I'm right here."

He didn't know what was going on, but he trusted that Neku was strong enough to hold on.

A soft, desperate noise left him before whatever drug or poison was affecting him now sealed off his airway completely. He was stricken with fear like he'd never experienced before. Was this their way of trying to break Joshua further? Were they just going to kill him to see what the limits of the boy's emotions were?

Neku didn't want to die. His hands fisted in the powder blue shirt that the god child was wearing, eyes desperate. He couldn't even gasp now, and he could feel his lungs screaming.

Help me! He mouthed desperately. But what could Joshua do? He should have known that the bastards would have used them against each other. He should have...

Joshua let out a strangled, quiet sound and buried his face in Neku's hair. His long fingers tightened on Neku until his knuckles turned stark white.

"Neku, come on... Don't let them get to you. Don't give up. You can do better than this."

Something deep in the back of his mind stretched, and he saw nothing but sky blue snap in his vision for a moment before the collar reacted harshly; his body convulsed, and he tensely hugged Neku more tightly.

The redhead lashed out kicking and thrashing as though he could possibly fight off the poison that was strangling him. Joshua. Joshua. Neku clamped onto his friend, managing to fight one or two ragged breaths through his closed airway- enough to keep him alive and conscious a little longer.

He'd healed him before. Why wasn't he-

It hurt. Neku was half tempted to slam his head against the floor in an attempt to give himself blessed unconsciousness- even if it meant giving up the fight.

_Just let me sleep, god help me...!_

He could feel Sanae trying to reach for Yoshiya through their connection, but didn't have the strength to help.

Joshua's eyes clamped shut, and he continued to rock Neku back and forth, the gesture as comforting as it was desperate.

"Come on. You need to do better, Neku," he whispered hoarsely. "Don't leave me. You can't leave me alone again. You're too strong for this. Please..."

He was shaking. He couldn't feel that beautiful aura surrounding him. Joshua's collar burned around his neck, but the power he tried to summon did not come. Despite how tightly his eyes were closed, tears began to stream down his cheeks.

"Neku..."

He could hear Joshua's voice calling to him. He couldn't die. Not like this. Even if his throat burned and bled. The redhead pressed closer into his friend's embrace, desperately fighting for more air. He could. He could do this. But his mind was so foggy, starved for oxygen.

Neku's fingers weakly tugged at Joshua's shirt, and then he suddenly turned his head away. Blood and bile welled up in his mouth, and he spit it onto the floor. It was a blessed moment when he could gasp for much needed oxygen. Whatever they had put in that food was making him bleed- somewhere. No, of course it couldn't just swell his throat shut.

"N-ngh...!J-Josh-" He wasn't sure if he could make sense, or if it would even help him if he did.

"Poison." It had to be.

"I know, Neku." Joshua all but whimpered it. His eyes betrayed his fear. "I'm sorry. This is my fault."

He'd led Neku to his demise. It was his fault Neku was there in the first place. He should never have let Neku trust him. He shouldn't have ever let Neku think he was safe to be around.

Joshua blinked away tears and pressed his wet eyes to Neku's cheek, nuzzling him miserably. There was nothing he could do, and he felt so tired from trying.

"I'll bear it." He breathed.

Neku wasn't sure why he said it, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he was sure that it held some important meaning. He hated the taste of blood, above all else, and it was making him wretch again. That was a good thing- every time he did, it opened up his airway a bit. He could breathe, even if he was bleeding at least the most immediate danger was being slightly averted.

"Josh..." He just didn't want to be alone. The redhead gasped, his breathing painful but almost normal. Had he survived it? Maybe he'd emptied most of it out of his stomach.

"I'm here, Neku." Joshua ceased rocking him, but held him carefully, pushing his hair back in case he needed to throw up. He didn't know what Neku needed from him and certainly couldn't help - least of all with the damn collar on - but if nothing else, he could be there for him.

His fingers stroked Neku's temples lightly.

_I can do this. Survive poison by sheer power of will? Why not._ Neku trembled and clung to Joshua. He felt disgusting, and the taste of blood on his lips was making him feel nauseated. The pain- like tendrils of fire clawing at his insides was making it hard to keep his eyes open. He could breathe a little now, at least.

"I...I wanna sleep." He murmured quietly. Copper eyelashes fluttered shut for a few long moments as his foggy mind urged him to lean into Joshua's warmth.

"Try to stay with me for a little while longer, Neku," Joshua urged softly. His fingers wove into Neku's hair and his grip tightened; it would have been borderline painful.

"Neku, why did you eat it?"

He's muttering quietly, barely aware of what he's saying.

"S'my favorite. We used to get it... at Sunshine. By the station..." His eyes widened for a moment, though it was alost like he saw nothing.

"Hachiko- At Hachiko." He mumbled. Neku gasped at the pain rippling across his scalp.

Joshua's fingers relaxed a little, ceasing to pull Neku's hair. If he could keep him talking...

"You remember...something from the outside. Olfactory triggers?" Or maybe it was the sense of taste...or touch. The sensation of chopsticks between Joshua's fingers had been overwhelming, but Neku had touched the hamburger, nibbled the fries.

"During the Game. You..." He whimpered, gasped and tried to bury his face against Joshua's stomach- as though he could drown it out entirely.

"I...I...You're... Partners." Neku closed his eyes, trembling and wishing desperately that he could just sleep. There was more blood collecting in his mouth. He just swallowed it and shuddered at the taste.

"Don't swallow it," Joshua murmured, brushing his fingertips over Neku's cheeks gently. "Get it out of you."

He didn't know what Game Neku was talking about, and he could feel memories stirring at the word "Partners." He kept very still. Recognition made no appearance on his features.

Neku nodded in response to that, and turned on his side a bit. He didn't want to bleed on Joshua's clothing. That stuck out at him, as though a faint memory should have accompanied it. He couldn't remember.

"I'm losing it. It's...Closing off again." He whimpered. Not his breathing. The memories.

And it only left more questions.

"Who...Why? Who the hell was I?"

"Neku Sakuraba," Joshua reminded him gently. "As you are now."

He wanted to help, but he knew better than to try. It wasn't the collar's doing, either. It simply wouldn't do to have Neku muttering his memories now, while they were being watched like this.

"We didn't know each other."

It was spoken almost warningly.

"Whatever Josh...Whatever..." It wasn't spoken with any kind of nastiness or anger. It was as though he were surrendering to the fact simply.

He closed his eyes, leaning into his friend's weight and suddenly went limp. He was breathing slowly and evenly though.

Joshua pulled Neku closer against him and lowered his face into the copper hair again, breathing out gently. A few moments passed before the rage sweeping through him reached its climax.

His head shot up, his eyes narrowing into a glare at the wall. On the other side of that wall was surely a group of observers, and for the first time, Joshua's rage alone wiped them from existence.


End file.
